I had no prior warning that the person that I chose to be my life-mate would become mentally ill. There were, and still are, no warning signs who will or will not get this disease. I don't know which is harder to deal with, a child with schizophrenia or a wife with the disease. Both are not easy. I would not wish this "hell" on anyone I know, now or in the past. In High School there was one person in particular who went out of his way to annoy me. I would not want him to go through what I have.

From listening to others in similar circumstances, I have to assume that I am in a somewhat better position than they are. My wife is a High Achiever. By this I mean that she is able to function almost normally when she is on medication. She is working part-time as a Nursing Assistant in an Extended Care Facility, looking after old people with Alzheimer's and general old age mental problems. But this was not always the way it was.

First a brief history. We were married in 1979 and our daughter was born in mid 1983. By December of that year, I knew something was not right with my wife but did not know what. In January 1984 she entered the hospital for the first of three visits. There was no firm diagnosis of what was wrong then or again when she re-admitted herself in December of the same year. Both stays were six weeks in length, and she came out on 50mg. Of Nozinane both times. The first time she took herself off after six months, the second time she stayed on for a long time. Still things were not that good at home, almost a constant battleground.

The only time she heard "Voices" was with the first episode. The second one as "everyone is watching her/us to see if we were gay or not". On the second visit, I took her out one night to go for supper, but we had to leave half way through the meal. Every person in the restaurant was an employee of the hospital, sent there to watch us and make sure she didn't do anything wrong, including the way she held her knife and fork.

She was able to stay out of the hospital until the birth of our son in 1986. This time she was in the hospital for three months, on and off. It was after she tried to kill herself that she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. There now seemed to be light at the end of the tunnel. When she came home, she was taking 10mg. of Stalizene a day. Life seemed to be doing much better, both for her and for myself. Then she started to take herself off the medication over a period of about three years. I tried to talk to her doctor about this and the changes I noticed at home, but he would not talk to me without my wife's permission which she was not going to give me. It was between her and her doctor and I was just an outsider.

When she was down to 1mg. a day, I was transferred to a different town to work. She at that time figured she was O.K. and didn't need anymore medication. The whole time we were in this town, all I wanted to was to run away. But I could not and would not leave my two children with this "sick" woman.

She did not like where we were now living. The company I worked for did this "on purpose to her". They wanted to make her life miserable. They didn't care about her. Not only that, but she thought I did it on purpose too. She didn't like the people, she didn't like the church's, she didn't like the shopping, there was nothing she liked about it. And to top it all off, I had at least one girlfriend in every town for fifty miles around,(I had a large area to cover). Some days, she said, I would just get up and go to my girlfriend's place instead of work and would spend the whole day there. It soon got to the point where my children started to believe all that she said.

Thankfully, I do work for a company which is compassionate. After explaining my situation to the right people in management, I was able to obtain a transfer back to where we came from. Here I was hoping to get proper medical treatment for my wife. I was eventually able to, but it took another two years of living in hell to do it. The only reason she went with me to see a doctor was because I had started divorce proceedings.

She is now taking 10mg. of Olanzipine a day and is doing much better, including going back to work.

What advice can I give? Not much I'm afraid. Love your wife with all you have. Try everything, no matter how small of a chance of success, to get her the help she needs. I tried everything from being overly loving, to having her arrested under a "Mental Health Warrant". When I applied for a divorce, I could honestly say to my self, "I have tried everything, every idea, every avenue, every suggestion that came my way, and I can do no more nor take no more". If you can look in the mirror in the morning and say that, then there is nothing left to do.

One thing that I didn't do was tell my children soon enough what was happening with mom. I was, frankly, afraid to. When I finally did, it made it a little easier to deal with them because they now knew that mom had a problem and dad was doing his best.

Life with a schizophrenic wife will never be easy. It will not be like other couples that you know. But with Love, Patience, Caring, and proper medical help, life will go on in a reasonable fashion. Good luck to all of you.

Lance