November 26, 2007
Inside my head
Imagine waking up and having coffee. Then you walk through your house because you sense that someone is there. You don't find anyone, but the feeling is still frightning. If they arn't inside then they must be outside. So then you proceed to take your mini telescope to look out the window into your woods, because they must be out there. You still don't see anyone. So then you figure out it is cameras hidden up in the trees looking through all your windows and someone or some people for some reason are watching you. You begin to be very nervous. You try not to think about it. Then you proceed to go to the bathroom to brush your teeth, but you can't look in the mirror because last time you did that your face changed into someone elses. So you keep your head down and hurry as fast as you can to get done. Then your phone rings. You hate phones. You pick it up to answer and it is your husband. You hear a clicking noise so that means someone has tapped the phone and is listening to everything you say. You try to ignore it. After your call you go to your computer to check your email. The lady in the advertisement on your page wont stop looking at you. She wants you to talk to her. You ignore her the best you can. After you get done on your computer you have to go out to the grocery store. When you get there someone wont stop following you. Everytime you turn around someone is there watching everything you do. You get scared. Your skin starts to feel hot and sweaty. You are panicing. You have to flee the store to get away from whoever it was that was wanting you. You go home and shut yourself in a room after taking your xanax praying that you will feel better soon. You turn your radio on and scream and cry and wish it would all go away. You lay on your bed for 2 hours sobbing and singing with the music. You look at the clock and it is almost time for your kids to get home from school. So you have to pull yourself together for their sake because they don't know mommy is sick. You worry you will say or do something in front of them, but all you can do is pray they are not effected by the monster that lives insde you.
1 Comments
Hi Janey,
Thanks for writing your story - I'm finding it interesting to read.
I recommend that you read up on things that you can do to help yourself feel better. It seems that you may be too hard on yourself.
See our section here:
Recover tips: http://www.schizophrenia.com/family.php
SA