Janey's Blog

I've seen both my doctors in the past week and they both say that I am looking good. None of my medications had to be switched and I don't have to go back to my Psychiatrist for 6 months! (Unless I need him)
I was so happy to hear him say that.

My husband and I got the stove taken apart the other day and put back together and cleaned. Now I am not afraid to cook. I celebrated by making French fries and chicken nuggets.

I am so happy that my medications are working. I feel like I'm finally moving forward instead of back and forth. There are only a few things I notice but aren't that bothersome. Like, sometimes if my husband touches me I have an urge to hit his hand away. I just don't like to be touched sometimes and I don't know why. Sometimes I find myself in a stare and in my own thoughts, but I usually snap out of it. None of it is worrisome to me, I'm just glad I feel better.

Now that I have been on my meds for awhile I can look back and see how my behaviors in a lot of situations should have been a warning sign.

I would constantly make my husband uncomfortable in public, especially in grocery stores. I would confront everyone that made me mad. Wheather they were in my way or if I thought they looked at me wrong or if I thought they were too close to me. I would say things like "Do you have a problem?" or "Excuse Me!" Sometimes I would just move fastly with my grocery cart and if they didn't move they would get hit.

One time I had bought sausage. My daughter loves sausage sandwhiches so I would fix her one before school every morning. That week she had gotten sick everyday. I fianlly figured out and checked the date on the sausage and it was expired by over a month! I told my husband to take me to the store. He let me go in by myself. I went to the meat dept. and checked the dates on the sausage and sure enough they were expired. I continued to pull 30 ponds of sausage off the shelf and put it in my cart. I had no idea what I was going to do with it, but I was so mad. The employees started to move toward me and I remember feeling threatened. I was yelling and telling them about the sausage and then one of the young men that worked there said "It's your responsibility to check the dates." At that moment I had such an anger inside me that I raised my hands and hit him at leat three times in the face. After I did that I just knew I was in big trouble. I fled the store as fast as I could and yelled for my husband to start the car. We did get away.

My fingers have healed now from the fire, but I still am afraid to cook. I use my oven a lot.

I've been doing really well on all my meds. I have taken them on time everyday and feel a lot better.

Yesterday I accidentally started a fire while I was trying to make dinner. I was so scared. I was almost ready to give up and I got it out. My fingers got burnt pretty badly though, but I am okay. I don't want to cook anymore.