Janey's Blog

I find myself wondering if my intelligence deteriorates as my mind does. I remember being inteligent, but lately I can't remember things like I used to. I find myself not even wanting to try to figure things out.I listenend to Kristen Bell as she told about participating in research. She mentioned cognitive abilities. She mentioned counting backwards from 100 by 7's. I found I could not do this. Even if I tried to do it slowly, I found my mind didn't want any part of trying. I worry that this is how I am going to live the rest of my life. My whole world just deteriorating in front of me until I can't grasp even the simplest things. It's a scarey thought that I think of on a daily basis now.

We had our home inspection and there is a few things that need fixed. Everything is going to work out though and we are moving as expected. The anxiety I feel comes everyday now and I haven't been doing very well. I wondererd around the house yesterday not going anywhere. I caught myself counting meaningless items and talking to myself. I have still been taking my anxiety meds everyday and it seems to be helping as a quick fix once in awhile. I should be packing and getting things in order, but I can't bring myself to do very much.

We have home inspectors coming to inspect our house for the sale on Tuesday. I have so much anxiety over this move I don't know what to do with myself. I keep trying to tell myself it will be alright and it isn't working. I have only packed 2 boxes so far and I can't get myself motivated to do anything. I feel like I'm falling apart. I tried to tell my husband but he doesn't realize the impact all this stress is doing to me. I've had to go back to taking my anxiety pills just to get through the days. If the home inspectors find something major wrong with the house then it can't be sold. My husband says we would know if there was something wrong, but I can't get out of my head that something bad is going to happen. I guess if Tuesday would come and go I may feel better. I have 3 more days to go through this.

We put our house up for sale and already have a buyer. We are moving back to where we came from because my husbands work is mostly up there. I haven't even started packing yet and closing is in about 3 weeks. I'm a little bit nervous about the move. Where we are now we don't have any neighbors and no one for me to worry about, but where we are going we are going to have plenty of neighbors. Seeing as how I don't like being around people, I am very nervous. I am hoping that I will be ok. I am also hoping that maybe I can make friends instead of shutting myself in.