Joan of Arc's Blog

Hi you all.

I have battling my illness for 15 years. Recently I have lost the last job I will have ever.

That is a tough one.. I am so sick most days or different hours that no job will take me.

Unfortunately, because over the 15 years I was beating myself up about stuff, i lost the last of any self worth or self esteem I had with my job.

My illness makes it impossible to achieve any goal.. Even a goal like,, "I will go into the kitchen at 9am".. Long story,, If anyone wants to dive in deep I will explain.

In the meantime.. I need a way of pumping myself up without goals. I can achieve nothing physical or anything outside of my head.

I get no praise to speak of.

So it has to come from inside of me and inside of my head. that is the only place where I can achieve goals.

Any ideas you all.. I need this fast as I cry at the drop of a hat because I am so low without my self esteem..

I want self esteem because it is easier to blow off others who are mean when you feel good about yourself.. At least for me.

HELP ME PLEASE.. I'm so going into the tank