Joan of Arc's Blog

I was diagnosed 9 years ago but have been suffering 15 years. I recently lost my last job as with the pain and confusion I suffer, I doubt I can work again. I have good hours but they are not
consistant so it is hard to find full time or part time with a flexible schedule.

I have also been venting through poetry and it turned out the poetry told a story about me losing my job, what it meant to me, what I lost, reputation, etc.. And how poeple reacted toward me, how I was an outcast. etc..

Here is one poem telling of how it all started. I do have regular writing in between telling more about the pain, my thoughts, and how it all ties together.

Again. Here is one poem:

Here's how is started many years ago
I was on my way to work and I heard a foe

I couldn't believe something I could not see was talking to me
So I ignored it not knowing what it could be

I took a bucket on days my stomach felt ill
When I had a headache I took a pill

I did not know this was a sign of what was yet to come
My body and mind were breaking down some

I can take this I thought as my ego was big
I'd always been positive minded, I'll beat this gig

No matter what happens to you, you can be pleasant or bad
It is your choice to choose no matter what is said

Cancer patients can have hope down to their last dying breath
If modern medicine can not cure, god will or at least you see him in death

They'd get to see him on that day
In the Garden of Eden they would play

But the lack of understanding, is not just folklore
Because a great deal of suffering, I hit the floor

How can we enlighten those not afflicted?
A task too great for even one man who's gifted

This troubles us when we take such pain
To proceed in our goals time and time again

But we mustn't blame those who are not in our shoes
How could they know the changes in perspectives, the positive attitudes?

The die hard tries and tries and fail
It's lucky I didn't land in jail

Now I'm thinking it was a lie
As the illness won't say goodbye

To retire early and stay home
I felt so ill, I could not roam

I'm not a genius I don't have the answers
A little love, a little leeway, would help me with this " cancer"

We are all facing demons of one or another
Please let's go beyond and try to help our brother