Schizophrenia: The Perspective of a Father & Brother-in-Law

Hi, everybody, good to be back, been away for a few days, a lot going on so let's get started: Stress and schizophrenia go hand in hand, in my opinion, though anyone who has average intelligence probably figured it out long before I did. Think about this: Living with one person with schizophrenia is hard enough, but when you have two, that's a double whammy! Of course, you already knew that, currently the brother-in-law is just going downhill, he can barely walk and is in constant pain, sleeps fitfully and will not try to help himself with his coughing due to his chainsmoking, the VA won't do enough in my opinion for him. My son is persevering with work and trying to get disability, when his uncle by marriage found out about his affliction the light he was viewing him in changed. He understands more his past behavior. Makes you go hmmm. Anyway, back to stress: I have considered myself capable of handling any situation ever thrown at me as long as I can remember. Lately the situation changed and here's how and why: Within the last two weeks the stresses of everyday living have begun to take its toll on me beginning with a new job assignment, if you can believe after only one week the supervisor said I was making too many mistakes and would be gone if the account manager hadn't intervened , one week is just not enough time to learn a job. Needless to say, I felt about one inch tall. Since then I haven't cared much for anything, it's like I've gone back in time 30 years when I was 21 years old and struggling on a new job. I'm 51 years old and do not need this grief, enough comes from my wife, I am going to the doctor next week, maybe that will help. Later. -30-

Four important words and in today's world boy do they carry a lot of weight. If you are in control of yourself you can handle anything thrown at you and if you don't believe that just become sick and see what happens. You miss work, activities, it takes its toll on you and others. As for my son and brother in law, things are about the same except the boy has a job and nothing is new with the brother in law, same bad and unhealthy habits and he doesn't seem to care though it is probably due to illness. Bye.-30-

Here we are almost three weeks into the new year and I asked myself that recently and thought of a lot of things, among them the usual suspects-health, happiness, money, etc. What would really please me is a good year for me, if that would occur everything else would fall into place. That would include my wife getting off my back literally and appreciating me for the good person I am and trying to be on a daily basis. Also I wish she would step back and look at the whole picture concerning the help I'm trying to provide my son and have been since November. I had a doctor appointment recently and I need to get my health in order in several areas. Life is not fair and never has been, it is what you make it. All of us should step back and look at our lives. You might be surprised at what you see, I've been more times than I could imagine and at times I have wished myself dead thinking it would be better than living then I realize there is a lot to live for and push on. You should too. Till next time.-30-

Okay, it's January 6th, but it is still a new year. As of this date my son is still in the process of trying to get dis-
ability. He as landed a job and he and some friends are still trying to get a band together. Finally some positive things are coming his way. In the case of the brothe-in-law, he appears to be going downhill what with a bad ankle, nearly constant coughing, and his habits. He missed a recent psych appointment with the VA, claiming he was told he didn't have to go. WRONG! He just didn't want to make it, now it has to be rescheduled.
In my opinion he needs to be in an assisted care facility.

On another subject my wife is showing signs of some sort of mental illness, maybe bipolar disorder, what we used to call manic depression, my ex father-in-law has it along with other ailments. I often wonder if there's anything wrong with me. Earlier tonight my wife fussed at me about nothing new in particular and she blamed me for her anguish, I complimented her for finally admitting what I had suspected for a long time, that I am the cause and the blame for all her problems, I suspect everything is getting to her, she just doesn't handle pressure very well at all. She could take a lesson from me. Choose the battles you wish to fight, waht you can do something about go after, and what you can't let go. See ya. -30-

With the way things have been lately I have been asking myself that question. I'm not so sure I don't have a mental illness, maybe depression. All I know is I have been under tremendous pressure lately, most of it from my wife. Recently I told her if she doesn't back off I may end up in the hospital. She just doesn't get it. She is a stepparent and has a lot of insight which is helpful but on the other hand she can be cold and cruel and frightening at times. Hell, she might have a mental illness. That's pure speculation, though I have seen her mood swings and bipolar disorder could be possible. I have suggested she seek help but she is reluctant. Maybe things will change.-30-

The other day my wife woke me up in the middle of the day when I was sleeping after working most of Christmas Day and part of the evening and said my son needs to look for a job and to file a police report because his ex-girlfriend had been making harassing phone calls. Well I was groggy and my son was sick at his stomach, he said he hadn't been feeling too well lately. He's still trying to get disability and medical benefits.
He's trying to form a band with a friend he met in the hospital. I hope they succeed. She was pretty tough on him, he needs it sometimes for he is not too motivated. He is a definite work in progress, we must be patient with him. My wife doesn't have as much patience as I do with him. As I have aged maturity brings patience and understanding. Sometimes the hardline approach works, in this case maybe or maybe not. My wife doesn't understand my son and what he's been through sometimes in the last two years. I suppose I need to talk to him or get him some counseling, maybe we three could use it. Maybe I should read the riot act to her or have someone else do it. She just doesn't get it and may never. Sometimes I don't either. We'll see. -30-

Tell you what I did. I worked at two posts in my job as a security officer that took nearly 17 hours Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I wasn't able to see any of my siblings or Mom, I called her and we are got together on New Years Eve and had dinner. It went well.We went to an inlaw's house Christmas Eve, even the brother-in-law went. On Christmas Day my wife and son went to her sister's, I was asleep for good reason, the brother-in-law stayed home. He claims his sister and brother-in-law don't like him, probably it is the illness talking. I received many fine gifts as did my wife and son. Next year which is this year will be different, that is guaranteed. No more double shifts for me. Well, I had to buy medication for my son lately and it has cost about $400.00. It should be a crime. I'm going to try and get some help. He has had no luck in finding a job until recently when he was hired by a local restaurant. Maybe 08 will be better for him. It is a leap year. Nothing changes with the brother-in-law. He has virtually no life.Who knows what this year will bring? We'll see.-30-

On November 7, 2007 my son was discharged from the hospital after a week of treatment after making threats against himself and others. While hospitalized it was discovrered he is paranoid schizophrenic , bi-polar and
having multiple personalities. The latter was the cause of his making threats as he doesn't remember doing it.
If this wasn't bad enough a young woman he was living with look a DVO out on him, failed twice to show up in court and it was thrown out. By the way she is bipolr and is unpredictable in her behavior. She also broke up with him and is shacked up with a new man. She calls our house on occasion and the latest tie she fussed at him about finding a job, why would she care if they are not involved with each other? Can't answer that one.
She is definitely one for the ages. If she calls again I'm going to block the number. Speaking plainly, the girl is nuts. On top of this he can't keep a job due to his illness, his doctor has recommended he draw disability, we
are trying to get it for him. We are in a holding pattern. Today he talked to Job Corps and has another meeting with them. He hasn't had much luck in the last three years , at times he was virtually homeless, moving around from place to place. It was really sad. We are hopeful things will change. -30-

He has been for the past thirty-five years, it was the result of a nervous breakdown, we suspect. Prior to that he had been an active person with a job, money and loved to tinker with cars and trucks, enjoying the latter with his older brother for a long time. He still works on his truck occasionally. For the past few months he hasn't been very active, about all he does is sit in his room, smoking like an old locomotive, drinking tea to excess, going to the restrom, sometimes not quite making it and urinating on himself, when he brings his laundry to be washed it reeks. It smells about as bad as the pet duck he was supposed to care for but doesn't,
Probably his illness has everything to do with it. It changes your life and others around you and it is frustrating as hell. I can tell you it has for me. For a long time I had some real problems with it because I didn't understand it but do now. You don't want to have it, it is debilitating and it can be hell on earth, just ask any blogger on this site. -30-

If anyone had told me a year ago I would be writing words such as these I would have thought probably not.
That all changed November 7, 2007 when I found out my son had been diagnosed with the illness we write about. After I knew what was wrong with him the wheels started turning ans I found myuself having to be his care provider as well as parent. Of course you never cease being the latter, only the duties change from year
to year. I asked him if he wanted his mother to know what's happening with him and not to my surprise at all, no. For several years now he has been estranged from her, it may have gone back to when she and I divorced
almost twenty years ago. Our lives were changed forever and that isn't hard to figure out, as the years went on
I could see the changes in him but few others could, sometimes I feel certain relations have not given me enough credit for the time I have devoted tomy son and the kind of person I am. I have never been one to blow my own horn, just quiet confidence, I know who I am, and I know my limits. We human beings have limited endurance, intelligence limits and some goal limits. Some we set outselves, others we can't control. Sometimes we need divine guidance. Prayer is part of my daily routine and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Writing these words has really helped me to understand mental illness and see it in a different light. Till next time. -30-.