Stuart's Blog

hi all, my dad is a bit better ,he is taking all his tablets and has stopped drinking so has not been throwing up or anything which is brilliant hopefully he is on the road to recovery his doctor told him he had 2-5 yrs until his liver gets better and i still dont know whats happening with the rest of his body but hes certainly cheerful although hes not been out for the past week or so, on the other hand i've been going out to the pub and having a couple of pints ,i still dont have any friends but i will still try my best to join in ,there is the odd people i know that drink there but 2 are schiz but worse than me ,i think there just there to make me look good one of them is infatuated with the bar lady and brings her things like chocolate and things the other is his brother and i cant understand a word they say but there still alright, theres 2 normal people and i dont understand them either ,theres 1 bipolar lady and another guy whos got severe anxiety but evey time i see himm he looks better and calmer i use to go to groups with him and he keeps me informed of things ,there is also some other people that i say hello to, but the pubs ussually quite quiet unless theres a football game on usually celtic but alot are rangers supporters like me but i dont brag about it , i just say i'm not into it you know i like the motor racing or something like that. i try to talk about things i see in the paper like yesterday when there was a bit about viagra and it made this guys eyesite turn blue because he took too much so i asked billy if he took viagra and we had a laugh about that,billy is the kind of guy who couldn't get a girl if he tryed he's got a limp and talks funny but he is still nice he helped me put a line on the horses but i should of asked him to pick them for me aswell because 1 was 200-1and the other 150-1 and they were right donkeys he- haw anyway thats enough about me, thanks for reading and goodbye,stuart.

hi everyone, i've been to my mum and dads house the other day and it was alright but my dads still not keeping well he told me its not his liver thats his problem but his blood and that he was told that he had 2-5 yrs to live he fell again and has been throwing up blood aswell and thats bad,i dont really know how to take this i think i must think he's invincible or something because i cant imagine a life without him and he's the nicest person i know he's just always been there you know, today i am in my girlfriends house , i had to go with her to her appointment yesterday and she has been coping with things quite well considering so she went with me to mine today after swimming and my p/doc is very good she was saying that she would fill in my form and send it away and that i am coping well considering and i told her about the depression creeping up on me and said i didn't want tablets or anything and that the antidepressants dont work anyway thats what it said on the television she also gave me the name of a web site called vox meaning voices of experiance and said i should try it so i will thats about it so i'll see you later,stuart

hi, i've been feeling quite down lately and sleeping alot during the day, i was once on prozac but it didnt agree with me so i was put on citalipram and never took it then i had a reaction to another one called reboxytene so i dont really take antidepressants. i dont know why i,ve been feeling like this but i hope it clears up soon or i might just waste away, i'm still trying to get out but my girlfriend has to drag me everywhere.
i,m going to be staying with my mum and dad a bit more and my girlfriend will be coming round to that house because i want see my dad as much as possible just now and be there for him, my schiz is just the same : lack of feelings ,being in a sort of daze and the wieght gain but apart from that i dont want change my tabs its not a good time and i'm stable enough anyway.i seen my cpn and she said she would try and get the form for horse riding so thats good.hope your all well, stuart.

hi there,i was at the library the other day and got a good book out called fantasy workshop it was not that long a read and there was lots of nice pictures and stuff that kept me interested then i went to the badminton and back home with my girlfriend ,i phoned my dad and he was worried because my mum had been out a long time with the dog so i went up to my mums on the friday and it turns out she was ok,had some lager,my sister came round with her boys and was talking about getting on the property ladder and how she can do it with no money which was quite complicated and i had some wierd dreams that night aswell, i see my cpn tommorow and thats good,my dads been not well he collapsed when he was out be because he forgot his water and he was bleeding from his eyes one morning too but doesnt want to tell the doctor which isnt that good and we're meant to be getting another dog aswell which really annoys me because i'll be the one that has to take them out as my mums going blind and my dad is the way he is,try telling them that but, so thats me i'm quite stable just now and just getting on with things as they are,or trying anyway, see ya, stuart.

hi,i havent been to good today but apart from going to the library yesterday the only other thing that happened was i had a dream, i had been in a foul mood all day then i had a drink and a packet of salted crisps and went to sleep, i dreamt i was popular again and everybody liked me, well nearly everyone and i was doing alot of activities and being very mischievous aswell, it took me back to the good old days when i was young and had all my wits about me and i woke up feeling great, the possibility of this happening again is really slim i dont normally have good dreams, there usually wierd and i dont feel anything afterwards, i tried to write something about it but i dont have the capability so i might ask my friends in the poetry, creative furum if they can come up with anything and see what happens, yours sincerely,stuart.

hi everyone, i have been quite busy i went swimming with the girlfriend and then i went to mums house, me and dad were nailing the fence together but haven't finished yet we're waiting for more wood to appear,so then my sister came over and she stayed the night and we were up until 4.00 am drinking and talking, watching telly and it was good. i got a letter from my outpatiants centre asking what colour i was and nationality which i found a bit insulting seeing as they see me all the time and they've lost my dla form which is in the progress of getting sorted out, thanks for listening, stuart.

hi everone, me and the girlfriend managed to pluck up the courage to go to the sports centre we just done it and felt good for it aswell so we're going to try and go swimming on friday and basically have more execise maybe i'll lose wieght ,i had the feeling i was going to stop breathing again last night and i'm sure its not a panic attack i just need to try and let it happen and not get scared then maybe my anxiety will go away and if i can do that maybe the rest will follow,here's hoping anyway, have a nice day, stuart.

hi everyone, i have been keeping busy, i went to the pub on sunday night and it was not very busy just old men basically but they all know my dad so i was talking to one about his dog and trying to socialize, after that my dad was supposed to go for an mri at the hospital in the morning but he got up really early and said he couldn't go because he had something to eat ,i think hes scared what the scan might show up maybe he thinks hes got cancer or something,what hes got just now is bad enough without that ,oh and he fell again and hurt his ribs and was thinking about going to hospital but ended up not going, the hospitals are really bad just now 2 of my dads friends are in there just now with tb and renal failure and they got mrsa in there aswell.so on monday instead of going to the hospital he went for a walk and forgot his water bottle then ended up drinking from a puddle because if he gets to dehydrated he cant do anything after that we were fixing the fence and ran out of screws so i went to the bus stop with him and he said he had to do something so i got the bus to b&q for nails and had a coffee then came back and went to the pub again then to the house and my sister was there and i told her about the motor we are getting her and she was happy, shes been taking lessons and is starting the manouvers soon.my girlfriends been having trouble with filling in her dla form and she really wound up about it so i have been comforting her and reaasureing her that things will work out. i'm still taking my tablets and have been allright so far ,i thought i was going to stop breathing again last night but it didn't last long and i got a good sleep for a change.oh yeah i went on chat on monday morning aswell ,so all the best to everybody,
your friend,
stuart

hi everyone, i,m in my mums house just now and my sister visited with her boys and i had brought up my old ps2 for them to play with and i had a good chat with her and my mum and i've spoken to everybody about changing tablets and there fine with that which is good to know i'm still scared about changing but i think its the not knowing whats going to happen that makes it worse my dad also said he could tell when i've taken my tablets because i'm not emotianal or anything and i dont laugh as much if thats what you call it so i think a change is enevitable, my dad fell over again this time he really hurt himself he said he was out walking the dog and slipped on some ice and he has probably broken a rib or two, i was going to take him to the hospital last night but he said it was alright, so we got up this morning and he was still sore but he was going to steal some wood and i thought he might get caught because he had stolen from there before, he's been looking for wood to build a fence ,so he couldn't do that because he felt sick and was not well he had some blood on his hand which i think he's been coughing up but he said the blood comes out everywhere anyway and my mums is ablivious to all this because we dont want her to worry or anything but hes going to be alright according to his doctor.my girlfriend is still not taking her tablets and she's been worrying about the dla forms and what to put down on them but i had a word with her and she knows what she's doing now so thats good.well thats me, best wishes, stuart

hi everybody, me and the girlfriend were in town the other day and we were looking for a book that was mentioned in another book about syd barret and the book was called divided self by R.D.LAING so we couldnt find it and have to go back in ten days to see if its there but my girlfriend said she mentioned it to her pychologist and it turns out that shes been to one of his lectures but she said this man was saying that tablets doesnt cure schizophrenia it just controls the symptoms so you can lead a near to normal life as possible so i cant wait to get this book and see what all the fuss is about, i got a book about schiz before called madness explained but it was to technical for me to understand i think a doctor would have a hard time with it aswell.
today i had to get a key cut because my dad lost his and he told me he fell over again this time it was the cat and i've not seen him yet but i think he'll be allright he's really lucky he didn't die from drinking because the paper said half the people with accute liver disease die i just hope he's going to be allright i see him tommorow anyway.
all the best,
stuart.