Stuart's Blog

hi everyone,hope you are well,i have been adjusting to a half dose of my tablets from 4mg to 2mg of respiridone in an attempt to reduce my anxiety and get some feeling back i had a hard night 2 days ago but it seems to have leveled out and i am not sure if i am any better i cannot tell but my girlfriend seems to think i am much better doing this as i am not doped up as much and i havent had any paranoia or delusions or anything but its early days yet so i just hope i'm not being foolish i know i have been depending on my tablets for atleast 4 years and havent changed the dose and i know i need them and will not stop taking them but i have been trying to control my anxiety for a while now and am now convinced they are contributing to it so if i am better on 2mg i will stay on them and if not i will change to abilify and thats my plan anyway.things are not as hectic now i dont need to visit the hospital anymore as my dad is out now and the animals dont need the vet anymore and i really hope he stays off the drink but i doubt it as his best friend is an alcoholic ,my mums exam is coming up shortly for her british sign language course second year so i hope she does well,its really hard for her as her sight isn't that good and i worry about her sometimes when she goes out but she's a survivor like my dad aswell and me.thats all,have a nice time,
stuart

hi everyone,i have had a tough time recently with taking my mum and the cat to the vet because my mum needs a guide and shes got all the paperwork for it and then i have been going to the hospital to visit dad who is doing well apart from an incident in the hospital involving a patient that was stealing from the wards and my dad stopped him and he punched my dad in the belly and headbutted a porter and punched a nurse and is getting done for assault but thats the problem here is anything can happen i have skeletons in the closet aswell which i will not talk about and its not good,any way i hope you are well,i have been looking up my mums eye condition online and found out some things like it might be hereditary and if i start to go blind i will know what it is but they are making bionic eyes now and hopfully my mum can get one so she'll be like the bionic woman because shes got a cochlear implant in her head that allows her to hear a bit already she was getting that done when i was sectioned and came up to the hospital to see me with a big bandage around her head but my dad came off the worst when i was sectioned because he had work then my mum and me to see all in the same day and was travelling alot he ended up packing in his job and has never gone back because of his health but he still misses being able to play with engines and driving too.I hope there is a happy ending for us all including you,all the best stuart.

hi there,i am still thinking about going to the stables and trying to do something but things just seem to transpire against me, i have been kept busy by my girlfriend going out to the shops and to a resaurant and swimming and she's been brilliant taking me about in the car and me and my mum to the hospital to see my dad she's doing really well just now, i remember when she never thought she could drive and sold her motor to her dad who is eighty and for the first 3 years we were together we were walking everywhere, now we are going for coffee and having drinks in resaurants and its all more cognitive therapy for us.anyway not much to report i am doing well just now apart from the negative symptoms, lack of motivation,blunt effect,among others but i try not to think about them as it doesn't help to do that,i'm not even sure that letting off steam helps but i do know if i read about other sufferers doing things it makes me want to do something so i have been looking online for something to do and signed up for free information like course work and video's about a range of different subjects including psychology and thats from the open university so i can learn more about things if i want i think its called open learn.
best wishes,stuart.

hi everybody,hope you are well,my dads in the hospital now and getting sorted it was a real nightmare to get him to go but at least he did eventually go,so i went to the hospital myself which was pretty scary but luckily my gran and aunt senga went aswell and they gave me a lift back and my gran gave me ten pounds aswell so that was good, i need to take my cat to the vet today at 2.30pm with my mother then i'm going to see my dad at 6.30pm and my gf is taking us in the motor which is good,so i am running around everywhere and i went to the pub aswell and had a few pints but its just now and again i go.i am trying real hard to keep on top of things and i realize that if something really bad happens it could send me over the edge but i dont want to think about that anyway i'm still taking my tablets 4mg a day of respiridone and they are really helping me stay calm and things to calm but if it wasn't for them i would not be able to function,i still get the negative things and it really gets to you but try and stay positive.best wishes,stuart.

hi, i phoned my aunt senga this morning and she came round but my dad tryed to escape but he went to the hospital with her at the risk of there friendship then after all that fuss my dad checked himself out and that pissed off alot of people,he's not well at all just now,so my mum told me to go round to snowy's (my dads drinking buddy) and tell him not to come home but of coarse he did and when i walked in the police were walking out which was not good,at the same time my mums sisters were coming in,so i had to go round to snowys with his meds and things again,now he has tryed to get back in three times and barged his way in while we were watching the grandkids or my nephews and they have been shouting and everything and its not very good and i'm left in the middle as a go between,i just hope she doesn't phone the police again,not that its her fault because my dad has been very horrible lately and we have been trying to get him to go to hospital but theres just no talking to him just now.so it has been a very eventful day to say the least everybody including the police has been round and i have had to deal with that as if things weren't bad enough already,i was really worried last night because my mum told me to phone an ambulance for him last night and i said no because he wouldn't get in it and she said i was useless and good for nothing.hope you are well,stuart.

hi all, my dads in a bad way again,he's not bringing up blood but he's finding it difficult to breath and function normally its horrendous because no matter what we say he will not go into hospital he just keeps saying i'm not giving up or not stopping and things like that,he promised he would go to the hospital with me tommorow but i think he's lying he just doesn't want me to phone his sister senga which i said i would.as for me i am still struggling on,i'm stable but i've got these negative symptoms that i try and hide which isn't easy,i think alot of people know what i'm talking about i'm still going out though and doing things, i got two more dragon books today and i've still got the tatoo on my arm until i wash it off with some thinners or something but it looks pretty good.thanks for listening,stuart.

hi there,hope you are well,i have finally built up the courage to post a bit more on the boards without worrying about things as much and being paranoid,things just happen sometimes and you dont know why good or bad,
anyway i am still not experiancing alot of emotions i think its a negative symptom of schiz called affective bluntening over here or flat effect but i have had it that long i have learned to try and just get on with things and not worry alot about things i have no control over like my brain without meds.my dad wants to go fishing with me where i took steven i just hope he is fit enough he has been up and down with his health and if he thinks he can do it who am i to say no,he really wants to go and i think i can help him and my gf can hopefully give us a lift down in the motor.i have been cutting down my meds to half but i think its a bad idea i have been more awake but my thought sometimes wanders and races thats when i need to take them but my gf told me to try it because i have been like a zombie alot ,so wishing you the best of health,stuart.

hi there,hope you are well, i have not been that keen to go out lately everything seems to much of an effort but my gf has managed to push me out the door we went to the shops today and then to the pub/restaurant we're still trying to push ourselves but its hard sometimes i think my gf is doing better than me just now although she has real problems socializing which is worse than me but she does alot more than me and wants to put her cbt things in her book. i might ask steven if he wants to go fishing again but he can fish the way he wants this time because i think he's to young for the fly fishing just now so i'll try and do that again.i seen my cpn on monday and she said if i felt up to it i could go to the stables and try and join the equestrian therapy and to pick up some application forms aswell thats if there still doing it,i heard my old p/doc was on telly and got a grant from the national lottery so i hope shes still there ,she had to retire because her hearing was getting worse and she was very nice,i have been supporting my gf because she was dreading an appointment that she had with a junior doctor,she said it was like an interrogation the last time but the good thing is she see's the prof again and he only see's a few people because he does alot of research into schizophrenia she see's him in 3 months