September 2, 2007
School *sigh* what a life...
Everything that would be going wrong is. I have only one friend and a misunderstood illness that complicates every other part of my life. Now I have to go back to a school filled to the brim with moronic pubescent pond scum that can't find out the answer to the addition problem 2 + 2, and teachers who mean well but are misguided and let the morons do whatever they want. I've been at Pathfinder for two years and when I started going everything was fine. I was a little neurotic sure, but at least able to learn. Last year was a disaster. I was in and out of Children's hospital for what we called "Bipolar I Disorder with psychotic features" and I was open about my illness, which was a stupid thing to do, because when I did people were repulsed by me, like I was a freak. They never understood or cared. And the teachers of course, were concerned but hinted that I should quit psychotropic medications for good.
What will it be like to go back to that forsaken school, now that I have been gone for so long. What will they think? The kids won't be happy, I can tell that. They don't make fun of me to my face anymore but I'm sure that behind my back they are just ridiculing my every move and action. Sure the principal and teachers seem to care, but to an excessive degree. Like pampering me, as if they think I could blow up and kill someone on their watch. Just like the kids, they think I'm a freak. A schizophrenic mess who's liable to kill. If I don't get my meds, sure I'm liable to kill. But I have no choice but to take them because they are shoved down my throat.
Last year we started a 504 plan. It'll have to be revised. I'm no longer bipolar.
Anyway, that's all for now. Self pity, yeah, OK. Easy for some to say, they aren't me...
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