The Owl's Roost

I've been up for quite some time and I don't know why. I need to find work but I can't work like this. I took my meds when I should but I'm still wired. I didn't have any caffeine in a while. Might be this fruit and vegetable diet I'm on. Anyone else have a diet change?

owl

I have found my soul again, with music. Though I have used several programs before nothing has given me so much control before than using notation software. Notation software lets you put in notes on the music staff instead of using a sequencer which records live playing. I was burned out but now I'm back, and having fun!

I know some of you endure so much through thoughts, moods and feelings about our predicament. There is hope. I enjoy my hobby. It helps me focus on something real in which our illness wants to peg us in a unreal one.

My hope is for those of you who that can't go on. I pray that you find something you can put yourself into. God has given us many things to enjoy...

Owl

I have two songs on my website, http://www.anakid.com

21st Century Schizoid Man by King Crimson

The Court of the Crimson King by King Crimson

They are not my songs but my renditions of them. Enjoy!

Your Pal,

Owlish

Want to welcome everyone back to the blogs! I had a very good holiday season, hope all of you did too!

I won't be going "bluh" today, though I have before a while back.

I want to encourage everyone to do something for someone today, great or small deed. Do one, it will grow on you...

Your Chum,

Owlish

Lost Hanny today, very sad but he lived a life free from harm :)

Pets are great and hard to lose when they do go.

Worst way to measure someone's worth, even your own. I know a lot of us diagnosed people have bonuses in this department. Mine, last time it was measured, is 134 average. Poor reading/comprehending but exceptional imagination and abstract thinking abilities. But we all need love. Nothing will remove that fact.

Hmmm, I don't know where I was going with this.... BLUH!!!

<(0,0)> <--- an owl (hence the name)

You pal,

Owlish

Hmmmm, just thought about this one. Do they nest or rent trees?

I had a med change. I took my nighttime at morning, missed part of my nighttime before, wound up VERY upset and frustrated! I thought God was on me, attacking me. Far from the Truth...

One of the biggest things I've been trying to figure out is when my illness stops and life begins. This blog has helped me sort things out and express my findings. Rule #1: Don't change your medicine regimen without talking to your doctor and/or nurse! They will and can explain why you feel the way you do; disorder!

One of the best skills needed to be developed by a mental health consumer is realizing what your illness does. Not how it works but rather how to recognize when your feelings are true and whether you're under psychosis or mood swing. I have found for myself that realizing what exactly you are feeling is not reality. In fact feelings are not real by themselves, they are a reaction from a thought or a fact being real. How you feel is exactly tied in with a fact or thought and not from a feeling in itself. Here's an example: "Feeling worthless." Is that fact or a generated feeling?

Grounding yourself in your surroundings will kill any feeling, try not to think of anything but what you are doing: driving, smoking, talking to a friend, reading (actually passive), cooking, or nothing at all.

Your chum,

Owlish

I'm an owl
tried and true
now let me sing
a song for you!

BLUH BLUH BLUH!!!

<(0,0)> <--- that's an owl (supposed to be, hence the name)

Had some beer today, got stupid on someone and regretted it. I feel like I'm the only one going through my special problems, being single for so long...

I'm listening to Lyle Mays' "Solo Improvisations for Expanded Piano". If you had the knowledge of what it takes to play a piano personifying life, summed up in five minutes then you would play what Lyle Mays plays. He has a incredible unique gift from God and is doing good with it. Others attempt, and achieve victoriously to mock others with ill redeeming music that is not fit for a good an just world. To much violence in music like shock-rock and other heavy kranging music.

I'm at fault too, I used to be into that kind of thing. I grew up. I realized there is more to life than self pity and hatred.

Being disabled I have a few hobbies I'm very active in. One is music where I play Piano and Guitar. The other are computer games. Computer games are fun and when you throw in the element of people you get multiplayer games which add to the fun. Depending on the game there is the element of chat while playing or in a lobby waiting for a game to play. Due to the expanding speed of the internet it is possible to play someone in the UK while you live in the USA (this was virtually impossible 5 years ago due to home speeds). The whole world is getting connected together and the speed of home internet is getting faster. In all, people are able to play computer games together from all parts of the world. But this lends to arguments about The War the USA is in while other countries sit there and do nothing. This also lends the ability for those who are at home on their computer that have little grasp of what it means to be brave to make potshot comments about the USA. This all happens on the gaming network and tears the community apart.

Cowards.

I tried to address the issue with a few people on GPG.net, a gaming community for the Supreme Commander game(s). Of course there are those who criticize us Americans for being lazy, fat, greedy and such. While this is not true and cannot be proven it is basically cowards that say things like so. While I am overweight due to meds I know I am worth something. If people had this idea in their minds they would be less likely to injure with words or weapon but until this is realized by a person there is hardly any hope.

The internet lends itself to being a great resource while also catering to Cowardism, a symptom of a lacking heart.

I have schizoaffective - bipolar disorder. It's a blend of schizophrenia and the bipolar mood disorder. My life is good and dismal at the same time. I can be thankful and angry at the same time. I don't know how that's possible... maybe I switch between the two depending on my mood. Maybe it has something to do with the cruelty of this world, how unjust it is. This blog will be through one's eyes that are not within the norm, as most of those who have a dilapidating illness.