WAGblog

Living with Schizophrenia 3

To continue: the one time I don't live in the present is when I know that I have to do something in the future, something I don't have the freedom to change or cancel at the last moment. THEN I worry, and worry, and worry. Because I might not feel up to it, or it might go badly, or they might not like me, or they might talk about me, or they might sneer at me, or I might look wrong, or I might walk wrong or or or...You get my drift, I'm sure. I can't help this. Try as I might I can't stop the obsessive ruminations about what will go wrong and how I won't be able to handle things, all because I must do something in the future and have no choice about it. I know that this is merely an exaggerated form of a normal concern most people have, but it is excruciating, because it happens even when the future event is supposed to be fun or exciting or happy...I can't even bear to think of celebrating Christmas or my birthday because of it!