Not My Son

Projection

I continue to project my own deep fears onto to my son,time and again I have blown situations completely out of proportion and exploded into anger and rage.
When it happened once again recently I did a very serious looking into my own self and was startled to note that that it had actually been me and not him or the external circumstances that were truly responsible for the distorted reactions.Memories of the past,my own insecurities,complexes gathered and created the hell. Looked at from a position of fear all good recedes and the entire focus becomes dark and menacing..
Fear and the frustrated anger that follows can take us back several steps in establising a trusting loving relationship.
All that I had built up in the past was threatening to come apart.
I had to make sure that my life force and conditon was always so high and positive that each situation threatening or not could be handled with love,wisdom and clarity.
Chanting is my pill for reaching there. One hour a day and Iam in a better position to handle life.My head is clearer,thoughts are not scattered and optimism comes more naturally.
If this is a "tapasya" and is to bear fruit it can only be done in a spirit of grace and surrender.