Marriage and Mental Illness

Today

We both are feeling a bit better. Saturday night, we had a long, serious discussion about our marraige. How things have really changed in the last 20 years. I am sure that is pretty normal for things to change. However, we talked about how really there is not much left, as far as feelings go. That hurts tremendously, but at least the truth is out there and I feel like I had a load lifted off me.
He feels that I am too controlling, but I have to be. To save myself, I have to make some of the decisions. I told him that in order for me to stay in this relationship, some things are going to have to be FOR me, BY me. That is the only way it will work. I cannot stay stuck in this rut feeling unwanted, unloved, a caretaker.
It will take a long time to undue the damage of the last 20 years. But I think we are well on our way.