August 23, 2005


Hi. Things here are really pretty rocky at the moment. M. is really paranoid because he cannot find a part time job. He is freaking out about money. I agree that it is a major thing to be thinking about, BUT I feel he must calm down some about it. Just seems when I try to calm him down, he gets really angry with me. So...I just try to keep quiet about it.

I am desperately struggling to find a decent job. I send out several resumes every day. Please cross your fingers for me.

I recently read the book "Daughter of the Queen of Sheba" a memoir by Jacki Lyden. Very interesting book about the author's mother who was bi-polar and their struggle to help her. It was not easy reading, but I did make it through.

I have been going to a NAMI family support group for the last month or so. It is really nice to meet others in my situation. We have so much in common and anything anyone says everyone else can nod and say "Yep" heard that one before. Sure makes me feel not so alone.


Posted by Jamie at August 23, 2005 01:12 PM


Found your blog searching for husbands and mental illnes. . . wow. I am engaged and my finace is quite unstable. Right now he goes un-diagnosed, so I'm not sure what exactly is going on there. I don't believe it's sz, but a lot of what you wrote really hit home with me. Often I've found myself wondering, will I be able to do this in 20 years, and your writing truely helps. It's so hard for anyone else to understand what it is to love someone like this. It's nice to know there are other people out there who do. You are truely a very strong woman, whether or not you always see it!

Posted by: Katie at September 2, 2005 04:53 AM

my husband has paranoid thoughts..he has sz affective disorder..takes his pills..has a good job, but it is draining the hell out of me. he is so selfish in his mind. i didn't know it would be like that..any reason why sz affective disorder makes college game day a high holy day?

Posted by: patty at October 23, 2005 03:27 PM

my husband has sz and has a good alco no drugs..but, it is getting on my last nerve and draining the hell out of me. i can't stand to be around him any more..we are alone together he gets paranoid about the govt. ugh! but, it never seems to effect college game day.

Posted by: patty at October 23, 2005 03:29 PM

im not married but am in a relationship with my bloke,all the symptoms of paranoia he has.lately we have argued and were close to breakup! how are you supposed to love someone with paranoia if all they do is not trust u and...push you away???

Posted by: lisa at January 25, 2006 02:18 PM

if i had known before i married my husband that the paranoia was coming (didn't see it or want to before)i would have run, run, run. Don't marry him if you see if beforehand. It won't get better and it will ruin your life. it is physically and mentally draining and if you contradict him, he will turn on you because he is always right and everyone else in the world is wrong. i wish someone had told me before...

Posted by: deb s. at January 29, 2006 01:51 AM

Wow, I was just browsing through something on paranoia and this sounds exactly like my fiance - he thinks people put stuff in the food, puts strings in the locks on doors, is mentally draining me! Everything is my fault, we have 2 children, 21 months and 9 months and I just don't know what to do anymore. He is loving and kind one minute and the next minute I'm a stupid moron because his work clothes aren't ready. He had a brother who died of a bacterial infection 20 years ago and that's when the food paranoia and anger began. I'm pretty sure all his anger and everything is from his brother's death - it was tragic and there was really no closure. I did get him to go to a psychiatrist once but he won't go back without me and I have no insurance. Can anyone help? P.S. his mother is nuts and didn't help in his upbringing.

Posted by: Heather at February 27, 2006 04:28 AM

I have just gotten into this site, but it looks like exactly what I need.
My husband was diagnosed with bi-polar in 1994, when he was 51 and 3 years after we were married.
He has gotten worse and worse over the years even though he is on medication and visits with his psychiatrist and case worker every month. In the last couple of years he has also been displaying signs of Border-line personality disorder and since he has been home from the hospital he has become very paranoid, accusing me of all kinds of wrongs I have done him and just being absolutely MISERABLE to live with.
I have taken to leaving the house every chance I get, but this just reinforces his feelings of abandonment and paranoia.
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. It feels good just to have said all this!!
He has recently had a below the knee amputation due to diabetes and his mental state has taken a total nose dive!
Had I known that any of this was to happen I would have run like the wind to get away before our marriage.

Posted by: Peach14 at March 4, 2006 02:28 AM

Oh! I though that I was the only one in this situation. My husband is a kind person but is very paranoid. He is getting on my nerves! His mother is not too swift either. He has a brother who is on medication for schiz. I read that there is always someone else in a family. My husband rarely eats any food that I cook, he feels that something is probably in the food. He thinks that everyone is out to get him. When he is driving he thinks that people are throwing things in the air to hurt him. He washes his hands until they are dry and rough. He seems to be getting worse and I don't know what to do. I love him but I am getting weary. I cannot continue to live like this.

Posted by: Audrey at May 6, 2006 05:27 AM

im so glad to have found this blogs...i thought i was the only one in a situation like really hurts to love and be engaged with someone who's mentally ill,now i had to face the reality and let go of him though i love him...i used to be engaged with a guy who is so paranoid of everything,he thinks the food i cook has poison,that i go out with other guys eventhough im pregnant,that i have plots against him,he accuses me of things i dont even do,and even when im home he thinks im not...i got so tired of it...though i love him so much i had to let go...i know for sure that my baby and i arent going to be happy with him,cause he becomes violent at times,1minute hes sweet then next he becomes nuts and says things out of this world that really irritates me...

Posted by: worried at June 23, 2006 07:34 AM

This is for Katie, posted on September 2, 2005, and anyone else in her situation. When I was a young woman of 19, I too was engaged to a man with some mental problems. He was not even diagnosed but, I KNEW. What struck me about your comments was that you said, I wonder if I can live for 20 years with this". I said those exact words only what I said was "I wander if I can live with this for the rest of my life". Well, I thought that I loved him dearly and I thought that I could not live without him. Well, I am living without him now. I divored him after 25 years of sheer hell. And, that love has turned to absolute disgust. I have three sweet and wonderful daughters that I love with all that is in me. But, those three sweethearts had to go through a lot of garabge all their lives because of him. LEAVE HIM!!! RUN!!! Get away as fast as you can!!!!! If you need a therapist to help you to get out, do it! I mean this sincerely. You cannot find the love of your life and the opportunity to live a normal and fulfilled life if you waste yourself on this man. How I wish that I had a happy life to look back on. I now have to suffer the consequences of that marriage and my children are suffering too because their father will always be in their lives. This man will ruin your life and make you feel like you are crazy... take the word of someone who made that mistake and is not this many years on this side of it...

Posted by: Nancy at July 7, 2006 07:28 PM

I am living with a man who seems to have paranoia schizophrenia. He has all the symptoms and like everyone else in this forum I am just drained and feeling so lost. I love this man, and I pray for him everyday. One minute he is the man that I fell in love with the next minute he is someone who is selfish, hateful, vengeful, has serious road rage, always thinks that if someone is laughing that they are laughing at him. He feels that everyone is out to get him, and makes statement like he wants to take a gun a shoot these people who are destroying his life. He needs help. Every weekend he is off from work. And he spends his time laying in bed, and just flipping through the television channels with no respect for my opinion on what to watch. If I say anything to him that does not suck up to his error talking words, he thinks that I am also against him and that I am just a problem. Also my Dogs never seem to get a break.. He is so mean to them. All this is breaking my heart.. I have no family and no money and no where to go.. What should I do? Who can I talk to? And what is going on with this man that I once loved?

Posted by: Laurie at July 29, 2006 09:52 PM

Do not marry, end the relationship, after 20 years and 2 sons I question why I married her.
This ilness will drain you, it will make you feel sick with worry and you will loose friends through your partners actions.
You know my parents advised me before we married, they said think twice,I wish I had.....

Posted by: sam at August 12, 2006 12:02 AM

Oh God, I am so glad to reed this and what people have experienced, I have been married for almost six years, and we have beautiful three children who I will do anything for them and make them happy, I loved my husband and I think part of me still love him, but it is very very hard he is suffering from paranoia schizophrenia and I really thought I could help him and cure him but things have changed and got worse, I have changed from a strong, confident and happy woman to insecure, scared, lost, confused and starting to blame and believe that every thing goes wrong it was my fault, my husband keeps saying that I am stupid, it is my fault when every thing goes wrong, I live like a single mother, I do every thing, which I don’t mind if you are treated with respect, he did manage to control me, if we argue he would spend 3-5 hours questioning me why I have dome this? And he says that I do thing to annoy him, he got worse, when he gets angry he screams, shout every one could hear him, he has a knife which he hides to protect him when he feels insecure, he keeps telling me: don’t make your self a target! he uses his hand and fest to hurt me, I live in fear, I started counselling which is great, and is putting me back where I was, I am still here with my husband but I will be leaving, my son seen his father when he punched and attack me, I asked my self these questions: am I happy? Is he going to get better? Is it going to affect the children? Is he going to kill me? Is he going to hurt the children? We do not have a family time? We don’t go out as a family!! I said to my self if I am staying in this relationship my children will suffer, I will be hurt or drained and suffer. It is better that I and my children go and start again, I said to my therapist if I go it will be like opining a window and seeing the light again, everyone is telling to go just go because this will never be cured, I thought I could heel him and support him which I have done, but I saw my self at the end that no matter what you do my husband will never appreciate a thing I do!!! I have to be strong and just go I really want to. Thank you for your all notes which I have read and I can understand what you are going through. Thanks you

Posted by: Rona at August 19, 2006 02:48 AM

clothes he is a multi mill.what a mess.Why didn't I see the signs in the begining.Now to live with a very sick controlling man or jump ship .....Finding the answer makes me feel better but how do I live my life with someone who see everything off balance.he thinks everyone is out to hurt him and everyone is to blame he is perfect,he is sure I am having an afair I am not.

Posted by: shari at September 2, 2006 01:44 AM

My mother had a bipolar diagnosis 5 years ago. I never thought the characteristics of the disease fit her very well. She too was paranoind accusing my step dad of having affairs every day after his lunch break, so she would follow him, stake out the hotel parking lot and one day she thought she had been seen by some drug dealers at the hotel. She thought they saw her watching them, so they started following her (so she thought). She believed my step dad was sending signals and messages thru the computer, TV and even hiding a beeper up his butt to conceal it from her. She was always looking for clues and signs of someone trying to trick her, poison her, tamper with her toothpaste, shampoo,etc. One time she found a set of small screwdrivers in her car and just knew my dad was disconnecting the odometer when he snuck out at night to meet his girlfriend so she (my mom) wouldn't see where he'd put any miles on the car. She thought he snuck out in the snow one night to have an affair b/c his shoes were wet the next moring. She thought he put benadryl in her drinks to knock her out so he could sneak out at night. She has since had similar episodes with two other men she has dated and it just gets worse and worse. I try to show her the similarities of all three people and the things she thought about them and how unlikely all three of them would be doing the exact same thing! It's so frustrating and sad. She's my mom and I can't leave her. I don't want to either. I love her so much and she is not the mother she used to be and I don't know what has happened to her. And she doesn't know what has happened to her either. She's so scared right now her body is physically reacting with high blood pressure, weight loss, her faced has aged so much over the last couple of years. My poor momma, I just cry for her because she's suffering and I don't know how to help her. Putting her in mental hospitals (she's been in 3, seems like tourture for her, she really gets paranoid about the "hachet murders and nut cases" locked up with her their especially if she shares a room w/ someone there. If she takes her meds, she complains of side effects and doesn't like the drowsy feeling she gets. She has also gotten self centered, irritable and sometimes hateful, but there are times when she seems back to normal. If she always takes her meds, will she stop acting like this? And why did it take 50 years for this to surface?

Posted by: Angie at September 11, 2006 05:27 AM

My husband is currently in a mental hospital because he was journaling and I read his journal. He wrote that I was trying to take his daughter away from him and that he would kill me and make me suffer for that. All of this stuff that you guys are talking about has been going on in my marriage for the last year, we have been married almost 4. He doesn't trust me, he has told me I am part of the conspiracy. And then sometimes he is completely normal. I don't know what to do when he gets out!

Posted by: Traci at November 22, 2006 03:50 PM

I'm doing a thesis on fear and paranoia an dafter reading some of the comments, I just wanted to tell Heather that she needs to get help with her husband. He is not treating you ith respect and you shouldn't have to pu tup with that. I'm not trying to sound like an athority on mariage, but please seek help. yelling at you for not having his work clothes ready for him is rediculous. You are not his slave. You are a person and you deserve to be treated like one.

Posted by: Kris at January 9, 2007 02:47 AM

My husband has a diagnosis of Manic Depression finally after years of asking him to seek help. It only took a stupid med nurse to say," I don't see you as manic depressive" before getting any meds and he stopped going. Our home is insane. 18 years of no friends. Having any money is like being a security guard for me. Leave it in the checking and it is all gone. He does literally nothing to help or make a home and thinks he does everything.Legally I can not do anything about him if he does not beat us but he is making everyone sick. Screaming and turning lights on at 4 am so the neighbors can hear. Locking himself in a room. Drinking for manic, drugs for depression, porn for whatever ! He has no conscience level of what he does to himself and any one around him. And yet sometimes I hear him mumble things that tell me he is intentionally harming others. As if he also has an addiction to sabatage and causing failure. Everyday is some headgame. Depression puts him in ( his room) he claimed the master bedroom I am not allowed to be in. Days, not coming out not talking, total isolation: then days of raging and crazy behavior and one hour or more of sanity in which he thinks we should all get along. He is a master con to everyone else.Anyone seeing his rage do nothing about reporting him. His depression i locked behind a door no one dares to go through. We call out and ask him if he is still alive. My sons teen freinds who say he is crazy so my son is often gone from after school to late and all weekends. Some nights however, when it is really bad he and his friends stay here when he is raging for fear he will hurt me. My working or doing anything is always met with his plots to end it thinking he is in control. Stopping the car from working, taking the money to get out of the house verbally abusing me and breaking me down to the point I can not think anymore.
I have lost many friends, and jobs because of his behavior and rage and sometimes the way he looks. He scares people so why not at his work ? Because they all look and act weird at a foundary ? Like now, he has taken another day off of work with the weekend and stayed in his room now for four days. But he rages and calls us names when ever he hears us around so my son is gone and I have no where to go. It is like some beast behind a door we just wait for him to emerge and see how bad it is going to get.
He has a (job) like all of them over his lifetime but this is a source of work he can do without thinking and he can get other men's prescription and illegal drugs to self medicate.All of them claim they are in pain from work but it is a continual excuse to self medicate and refuse to participate in live. He will not help with anything, he does nothing with his children and only sees them when he runs out of a room or home from work and screams at them..he refuses any help or to ever admit he is wrong or needs help. I ask him how he maintains his job, follows orders and yet can not do anything at all at home ? No answer. He took the kitchen apart three months ago saying he was going to put new floors and counters in. He spent all the money we had to do this job, then he let it sit even through the holidays which he also destroyed. He has taken 14 days off of work in this time and did nothing but lay in bed or visit his drug freinds.He has blood clots in his legs on blood thinner and yet lays in a bed and gains weight doing nothing. He simply refuses to participate in anything.
His family in Ohio ( 15 brothers and sisters) mom/dad all in and out of mental hospitals refuse to talk about any of their problems. His oldest sister has been married 8 times and it is all someone elses fault. Amazing. Here I am for 20 years and still no one will talk to me about this or participate in changing this situation and yet I know some have been on meds for depression and bipolar. I am 53 now and I want to leave but in his insanity he is willing to destroy me as he says if I go. He has brought our finances to nothing. I also can not find help to save our lives or even talk to someone here in Oregon. The mental health field has been of more injury to us then help.

Posted by: Beth Wallace at January 15, 2007 05:52 PM

ive been in a relationship for 13 years and i do the world for this man we have three kids and he swears i do nothing for him and he doesnt help take care of the kids nor does he do anything around the house he blames me for his life he swears everybody is against him oe out to get him he is verbally abusive to me and the kids and he is self centered he lies about every thing and is never wrong he thinks he is perfect he is driving me totally crazy i cant eat or function

Posted by: tamala at January 20, 2007 10:51 AM

I am so glad I found this site. My husband is bp and it has gotten worse. The manic episodes are longer and he becomes more irritable everyday. I get to hear his mean comments about me & my kids. I get to watch him rage and call me names. My children must think I am weak, why don't I just walk away? He has not worked more than 2 months in this entire 7 year relationship. Everything we have is because I bought it or his parents helped us. My in laws are wonderful & very supportive of me. Lately all my spouse can do is tell me how he is divorcing me if I can't find a "great" marriage counselor. This roller coaster sucks, I am lucky I don't drink or I may have turned into an alcoholic.

Posted by: Belle at February 16, 2007 09:43 AM

I have been married to my husband nearly seven years. The last year and a half, we have been battling his mental illness. I had him court committed to a mental health facility Oct. 06. He is bi-polar with paranoid dillusions. I have tried so hard to get him help, but the medicines prescribed to him only get taken about a week then he throws them away. He has thought for a long time that me, my family or people from my Church are "after" him, spying on him etc.. He filed Divorce papers against me two months ago and I just went last week and was awarded temporary (until our final divorce hearing)custody of our two Children(6yr&1yr). The judge told him the outcome of our final hearing would be the same if he did not seek immediate care and of course he has not yet. I am court ordered to supervise the visitations. I would have continued to fight to help him and keep our marriage together, but at the same time I am somewhat relieved to be getting out of the marriage. If this had all begun before we were married, I would have never married him, but it waited 5 1/2 years to show it's ugly face!;(

Posted by: Lisa at April 10, 2007 06:46 PM

My husband of almost 25 years has been disabled for the last seven years plus. I am the sole support of my children as well as my husband. Everything, and I mean everything, somehow is my fault. "I would have done this if you (meaning me) had done so and so" and on and on. He screams at me and my kids, telling me my whole purpose in life is to "bad mouth" him, he lives in 1999 when my parents stayed in my home while their house was being built and relives it to all our friends (the few we have left)how MY PARENTS and I ruined his life. He keeps saying he'll get help. I've offered to call his doctor. Don't do that! They will take away his guns!!! What do you think??? The man is nuts, my kids don't stay home anymore, and I am at my wit's end. The man is a loser. Folks, do yourself a favor. Don't, and I mean don't, take 24 years to get out. Cut your losses.

Posted by: Patty at August 17, 2007 10:59 PM

oh boy i hear you all my husband is in jail right now because he aimed a gun at me telling me he was going to shoot me between the eyes i have been iving with his nager for 6 years now we have been married for 8 we have 2 boys and i have a daughter from my other marriage i never thought he was ill i just thought he was mad all the time till he started saying he was a phrophet and telling me he didnt romanticly love me spending every penny we had in the bank now im trying to get him help i have to prove he is mentaly ill because he hadnt been diagnosed for bipolar only OCD and ansity disorder and depresstion well now i know it is more then that it is so sad and the choises i have to make are hard i dont want to live the rest of my life this way and if meds wont or dont help i will make that choise but reading things here seam that meds dont work my kids are glad he is gone they dont know where he is they think he has a cold in his brain and the dr is giving him medications,,, i have to many things to think about do i stay or run i see most say run run run well any comments will be helpful ta ta God Speed to all

Posted by: suzy at September 2, 2007 01:30 AM

I have paranoid feelings, and i wish that i didnt, i fear that i will lose everything that is good in my life one day.

Posted by: Ian at September 5, 2007 11:08 PM

For 5 years now I have lived with my husband who has mental illness. It has gotten alot better with drugs and treatment. But it will never go away. He truly beleives in his heart that I am having an affair with a man at work. I am not I have been faithful to him. He calls me all the time he asks me what kind of underwear that I am wearing. And if it is sexy , he thinks I did it for somone else. He told me that I am wearing my glasses so that I could look at this man better. these things are not so bad. Before he use to get violent with me until I called the cops on him. But we have 2 small children togather and I know that he loves them so he got the help that he needs and I just try to looked at this as and illness. And ask the good LORD to give me streangth to deal. GOD BLESS to all

Posted by: tamara at October 25, 2007 05:33 AM

The U.K. is working more on paranoid and suspicious thinking than we seem to be in the U.S. There's a self-help book out now that is very good. They think 30% of the British population is troubled by this to a noticeable degree, especially after the bombings.

What are we doing about it?

Posted by: Louise at November 2, 2007 11:09 PM

Never marry someone who is mentally ill!!!! It will only get worse thats a givin! Divorce is a nightmare they are disabled so no one cares what they do and they know it.

Posted by: Shelly at December 11, 2007 04:18 AM

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