To all my Readers
Hello and Happy Holidays.
I love receiving all the comments! I never quite know how to respond though. I always wonder if it is safe to email you back personally, as I don't know if it is a personal email or a family email.
So please know that I am not ignoring you, I am just at a loss as to how to communicate.
I would strongly suggest that anyone who has a spouse or partner with sz., to come to the Husband/Wife board here at sz.com.
We are a wonderfully, loving, caring bunch of people and welcome new comers. Nothing you will say will suprise us, because frankly, we have heard it before.:) We support each other to no end and really, I have made so many friends there from all over the world. So anyway...come on by the spouse board.
Things here are stressed. But livable.
I am busy with my new job and keeping track of the kids and their schedules. M. has been doing the laundry and that is a big help to our family.
Christmas is more than lean this year. It is so stressful. I will be relieved when the pressure of the holidays are off.
We will spend time with M.'s family over the weekend. That is usually fun and I know the kids will enjoy themselves. I hope that M. does ok. I am sure he will be fine while we are there, it is after we come home that I worry about. Usually it takes him some time to recover from all the socializing and he has to think through every single conversation....argh!
must go for now, but will try to get back here soon. Jamie
Posted by Jamie at December 21, 2005 01:16 PM
I found your blog after a Google search for, spouces of schizophrenics, and although I have not read all your posts yet, I see so many similarities with my own life. My partner (not married) of 20 years is Schizo-Affective, essentially Schizophrenic. I too live through the almost daily hell of this disease, thankfully she was diagnosed in '97 and has been on meds since (although not enough). I think off&on about ways of escaping from my life: suicide, running away, throwing her out...Like you, I'm not in love with her and feel like a caregiver and financial supporter (she can't work and spends her SS on herself-she does virtually nothing to help except grocery shop, load/unload the dishwasher, ((occasionally take out the trash)), and run the occasional errand. I cook, when we don't order out, do any cleaning, etc). I think daily about my life and all the things I am missing out on, like sex, none since the late '80's. But, I cannot leave this person as she has no one else and I could probably not handle her living on the streets, which would probably happen if I left. I try to rationalize to myself I am doing good by providing her a decent life which without me, she would not have. Of course, I have semi-ruined my own. It's funny (not really), I have repeated my mother's life, as she had to return to work and support my father and I, when I was 12; my father had to retire at 38 due to numerous illnesses (not mental).
I will finish reading your archives and con't to read your blog. Feel free to reply if you feel so inclined.
A fellow caregiver
Posted by: Dennis at February 2, 2006 10:11 PM
Wow, reading through your blog...has inspired me and filled me with such deep guilt and sadness. Jamie, you are amazing. I have a spouse with bipolar disorder and like you, always wanted to be a Mom. We have been married nine years (i married young) and I have never felt it was the right time to have the children...and...i was weak and cruel and ran off and had a stupid affair. My spouse found out and is leaving me...did I do it on purpose to end the marriage? God, I don't know. All I know is how much I hurt him, and how I could have tried things like you have, like this blog, and counseling.
You are just an amazing woman and have inspired me. If my husband will have me back, I will go back to the marriage with all my heart and try to make it work.
peace to you
Posted by: Anne at February 11, 2006 06:46 PM
I have a wife who is bipolar I am in the navy and she cheated on me with 10 guys and blames it on bipolar and that she was lonely while I was on deployment we have 2 kids and we both are young i am 25 she is 21 we have 3 year old son and 1 year old daughter. I want to leave her and take the kids but I grew up in a one parent house always wondering where the other parent was I dont want the kids to go through that. I need support I do not know what to say or how to act to the bipolar syndrom
john.p.sullivan@uscg.mil
Posted by: john at March 18, 2006 02:52 AM
I'm married to a man that was diagoised with bipolar after the Gulf War.( I belive he had some serious issues before then ) He was in the Army for over 15 years and retired. He is 45 years old and have been married four times including this marriage that took place May of 2005. He bought a new home and has done and will do anything for me. But from the same weekend of our marriage we have had nothing but probelms , he has no children, I have 3 adult children and 4 grandchildren I'm 48 years old. The children was a big issuse , he did not want my son over and told him not to call the house. He had arguments with one of my daugthters, he would act out if the grandchildren came over, so I stopped taking them to the house and would go visit them (and he complianed about that) He would call me on average of 10 times a day on my job and from the time I got in my car he would talk to me on the cell phone and wanting to know my where abouts. My family don't understand how or why I married him. I lived in fear of not being with my children and grandchildren. I did not have Christmas as usual do to his attitude and behavior. I moved out of the house to an apartment in March and have been seeing him since , and just last month I filed for a divorce and I'm questioning that. He want all of my attention and at the moment I can't that. My son was recently diagnoised with a rare cancer and he still places demand for attention an it is drivin me crazy. WHAT DO I DO ?
Posted by: Brenda at September 12, 2006 03:48 PM
This blog kind of reminds me of my own husband and many of the feelings I have with him. I guess I am writing this as a way to reach out for help. I married a man back in 2004 who suffers from anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. I did not realize that he was this way until after we were married and many things he kept secret from me, including an attempted suicide and many other emotional problems. He always blames others for his problems and is paranoid that people are out to get him. He has episodes where he blows up and gets very angry to the point I think he is demon possessed. While I care for him, I am no longer in love with him. This is starting to have an emotional toll on me and I feel myself slipping into emotional problems. How do I get out of this marriage without him hurting himself or getting worse? Can anyone out there relate to me? Please help!
Posted by: Sunny at February 5, 2007 02:55 AM
Hi everyone - this blog has been really helpful for me. I am engaged to be married in July - my fiance has severe clinical depression. I think often of getting out of this.. as I'm not sure I can handle it sometimes. If you could go back to when you were engaged and decide to take a different course in life.. would you???
Thanks so much everyone...
Posted by: brandi at March 12, 2007 05:11 PM
after an arguement with my spouse, I asked him if a child at school had a knife, and was attacking the teacher, who whould he protect? and his answer was the student, because an adult, being an adult has controll over the situattion.
I would like to get your feed back. please.
Posted by: sue at May 29, 2007 10:53 PM
I found your blog after a Google search for, spouces of schizophrenics, and although I have not read all your posts yet, I see so many similarities with my own life. My partner (not married) of 20 years is Schizo-Affective, essentially Schizophrenic. I too live through the almost daily hell of this disease, thankfully she was diagnosed in '97 and has been on meds since (although not enough). I think off&on about ways of escaping from my life: suicide, running away, throwing her out...Like you, I'm not in love with her and feel like a caregiver and financial supporter (she can't work and spends her SS on herself-she does virtually nothing to help except grocery shop, load/unload the dishwasher, ((occasionally take out the trash)), and run the occasional errand. I cook, when we don't order out, do any cleaning, etc). I think daily about my life and all the things I am missing out on, like sex, none since the late '80's. But, I cannot leave this person as she has no one else and I could probably not handle her living on the streets, which would probably happen if I left. I try to rationalize to myself I am doing good by providing her a decent life which without me, she would not have. Of course, I have semi-ruined my own. It's funny (not really), I have repeated my mother's life, as she had to return to work and support my father and I, when I was 12; my father had to retire at 38 due to numerous illnesses (not mental).
I will finish reading your archives and con't to read your blog. Feel free to reply if you feel so inclined.
A fellow caregiver
Posted by: Dennis at February 2, 2006 10:11 PM
Wow, reading through your blog...has inspired me and filled me with such deep guilt and sadness. Jamie, you are amazing. I have a spouse with bipolar disorder and like you, always wanted to be a Mom. We have been married nine years (i married young) and I have never felt it was the right time to have the children...and...i was weak and cruel and ran off and had a stupid affair. My spouse found out and is leaving me...did I do it on purpose to end the marriage? God, I don't know. All I know is how much I hurt him, and how I could have tried things like you have, like this blog, and counseling.
You are just an amazing woman and have inspired me. If my husband will have me back, I will go back to the marriage with all my heart and try to make it work.
peace to you
Posted by: Anne at February 11, 2006 06:46 PM
I have a wife who is bipolar I am in the navy and she cheated on me with 10 guys and blames it on bipolar and that she was lonely while I was on deployment we have 2 kids and we both are young i am 25 she is 21 we have 3 year old son and 1 year old daughter. I want to leave her and take the kids but I grew up in a one parent house always wondering where the other parent was I dont want the kids to go through that. I need support I do not know what to say or how to act to the bipolar syndrom
john.p.sullivan@uscg.mil
Posted by: john at March 18, 2006 02:52 AM
I'm married to a man that was diagoised with bipolar after the Gulf War.( I belive he had some serious issues before then ) He was in the Army for over 15 years and retired. He is 45 years old and have been married four times including this marriage that took place May of 2005. He bought a new home and has done and will do anything for me. But from the same weekend of our marriage we have had nothing but probelms , he has no children, I have 3 adult children and 4 grandchildren I'm 48 years old. The children was a big issuse , he did not want my son over and told him not to call the house. He had arguments with one of my daugthters, he would act out if the grandchildren came over, so I stopped taking them to the house and would go visit them (and he complianed about that) He would call me on average of 10 times a day on my job and from the time I got in my car he would talk to me on the cell phone and wanting to know my where abouts. My family don't understand how or why I married him. I lived in fear of not being with my children and grandchildren. I did not have Christmas as usual do to his attitude and behavior. I moved out of the house to an apartment in March and have been seeing him since , and just last month I filed for a divorce and I'm questioning that. He want all of my attention and at the moment I can't that. My son was recently diagnoised with a rare cancer and he still places demand for attention an it is drivin me crazy. WHAT DO I DO ?
Posted by: Brenda at September 12, 2006 03:48 PM
This blog kind of reminds me of my own husband and many of the feelings I have with him. I guess I am writing this as a way to reach out for help. I married a man back in 2004 who suffers from anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. I did not realize that he was this way until after we were married and many things he kept secret from me, including an attempted suicide and many other emotional problems. He always blames others for his problems and is paranoid that people are out to get him. He has episodes where he blows up and gets very angry to the point I think he is demon possessed. While I care for him, I am no longer in love with him. This is starting to have an emotional toll on me and I feel myself slipping into emotional problems. How do I get out of this marriage without him hurting himself or getting worse? Can anyone out there relate to me? Please help!
Posted by: Sunny at February 5, 2007 02:55 AM
Hi everyone - this blog has been really helpful for me. I am engaged to be married in July - my fiance has severe clinical depression. I think often of getting out of this.. as I'm not sure I can handle it sometimes. If you could go back to when you were engaged and decide to take a different course in life.. would you???
Thanks so much everyone...
Posted by: brandi at March 12, 2007 05:11 PM
after an arguement with my spouse, I asked him if a child at school had a knife, and was attacking the teacher, who whould he protect? and his answer was the student, because an adult, being an adult has controll over the situattion.
I would like to get your feed back. please.
Posted by: sue at May 29, 2007 10:53 PM