Lots of stuff going on
Lots of stuff going on at our house recently. Mostly all good things, but they still make my hubby nervous. Any change of pace or anything new thrown into his schedule..makes him flustered.
Today he was going on and on about the fact that he thinks that the mechanic “screwed” him over when he fixed our truck this week. He kept asking my son what he thought, and my son said.. no dad…I think he did the right thing. Maybe you should just call and ask him to explain what he did to the truck? (Damn.. I was proud of that kid!) Hubby listened and called the mechanic and they got it all ironed out. It must be awful to think that someone is out to get you ALL the time.
Next on his list of worries is this new apt/townhouse thing we are moving into. He just worries about everything about it. He has called every utility company that we have to deal with to get prices, deposit info, etc… and hey.. I am not saying that is ALL bad.. but he is obsessive about it. Then he calculates, figures, obsesses over all the figures and then wonders if we will be able to afford it or not. I sat down with him and we wrote it all out and it looks like we will be paying slightly less in the new place than we are here… soooo I am hoping that that helped ease his mind some.
Posted by Jamie at January 12, 2007 02:27 AM
it made the burden slightly less to come across your website and to read what others have written. there's a lot of suffering. my husband of 21 years has also been challenged with schizo-affective disorder along with the paranoia. however, the hardest part for me at this time is accepting there will be no children in this package deal.
Posted by: kathy at January 13, 2007 09:52 PM
Do you have access to a local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) family group? NAMI offers support groups and education classes familis of people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses as well as those with the illnesses. You'd be surprised by how much the family support groups can help. They've really helped me through the past year. The national website is www.nami.org, from there click on Find Support.
Posted by: LRH at January 16, 2007 12:39 AM
yes i am familiar with a local NAMI group and there are caring people there that i try to be caring to as well. however, the group has people either with illnesses themselves or children with mental illness - and it really is a whole different ballgame when the person is your mate and life partner you've become one in marriage with for over 20 years.
it was so nice to see another comment on here! thanks. : )
take care.
Posted by: kathy at January 16, 2007 01:44 AM
I agree Kathy. I have been to NAMI meeting for families. It is really tough to find anyone else who is a long time married partner of someone who is mentally ill.
I wish there was a group just for spouses in real life. That would really be helpful.
Jamie
Posted by: Jamie at January 21, 2007 09:41 PM
i hear you. thanks for responding. take care. i mean that.
Posted by: kathy at January 22, 2007 12:31 AM
Hey our family is in the same boat as you are. Though we are not sure what the diagnosis is for our father. However my mom is in the same exact boat you are, and we are very concerned with the behavior that our father inacts. We want a resolution and want him to get back to normality. We are going to do it the best way we know how, and thats through prayer. I will pray for you. Just to let you know that most christians fast during lent. And I am not sure if you are a christian or not. But hey if you want a change, try fasting and praying. No medicine in the world is as good. Just thought i would come in and drop in and put my two cents in.
P.s. - my mom has been going with this issue for 27 years. so keep holding on. Dont give up. I'm sure you are a 'light' to other females out there.
Posted by: Nilesh at February 11, 2007 02:46 AM
when we are weak, then He is strong. i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. i know i can't do it on my own, that's for sure. i read somewhere: you know how it says God won't give you anything you can't handle, well sometimes i just wish He didn't have such a high opinion of me!
; )
Posted by: kathy at March 28, 2007 05:33 PM
I'm not sure how I got here to this site, but...
I'm so thankful anytime I find REAL people talking openly about REAL life, joy and pain. It's always beautiful and hopeful.
I'm 24 years old, and this last sunday my fiance and I broke off our engagement. It was the hardest day of my life. I feel as if I've lost my heart.
She has been struggling with a lot of depression / anxiety / panic, which she'd been going to counseling for and taking some meds.
There were so many changes for her that I think she lost herself (new engagement, new state, new friends, new job...).
She doesn't want me to have to "deal with" her emotional baggage, but doesn't love give it's life to partner with the other's burden?
I have felt the heaviness of it. It has worn me down. But at the same time, it worn me down to real love, down to the truth of why I love her.
We just know what to do. And it's ended now.
But love is worth anything if it's real. That's what I want to live, and for her to live.
thanks for sharing your lives.
Posted by: ben at March 31, 2007 12:39 AM
feel for you ben. how is everybody out there? i check this site occasionally but haven't seen anything new posted either by the writer or by anyone else for awhile so i'll check in i suppose. it's been hard as of late, relationship-wise, cuz my husband had been relapse free for 15 years and then had to go in a stress center before getting him moved to a v.a. psych hospital and now he's in a residential care facility. man this illness gets so tiring - emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually - on us both, and on our marriage. just came back from visiting him. feels like life is on hold. counseling helps the hurt and grieving/sadness. the Lord be with you all out there trying to deal with issues like these. take care.
Posted by: kathy at June 24, 2007 03:00 AM
I wish Jamie would post so we know how its going. Hey ma'am we're checking in on ya'll! My husband and I are separated for now although I do not want it, he became very bizarre, a bit violent, after I had our first, probably only, baby. He has no insight into having a mental illness. We got him to go to one psychiatrist who said he is psychotic and needs antipsychotic meds & hospitalization to be stabilized, but I would not/could not involuntarily commit him (I didn't think it would work but I should have tried) and his family won't do an intervention, even. He blames me for "everything." He thinks the doctor is "lying" or "wrong" about him. I feel hope is almost all lost. It is awful. I have no husband, our son no father, my husband does not have us. I do not know how to fix it. He says if I just "admit I was wrong" to leave him and come home, have faith, all will be well. Because he has no idea he is NOT well, will not even admit he MAY have an issue to get checked out, he has told me he would never take meds and never go back to the dr. He is ignoring his physical health now and sometimes skips supper even though he is very very skinny already. I am worried and helpless to help him, I think. Please pray for us everyone. I feel we are not getting any help from anyplace and this is just awful. God bless you all here and everywhere dealing with your own family members' illnesses. Any suggestions, please send them to me, I am nearly out of ideas.
Posted by: leanne at September 28, 2007 04:20 PM
Please keep writing. THis blog really helps me cope.
Posted by: LNS at October 31, 2007 08:49 PM
it made the burden slightly less to come across your website and to read what others have written. there's a lot of suffering. my husband of 21 years has also been challenged with schizo-affective disorder along with the paranoia. however, the hardest part for me at this time is accepting there will be no children in this package deal.
Posted by: kathy at January 13, 2007 09:52 PM
Do you have access to a local NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) family group? NAMI offers support groups and education classes familis of people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses as well as those with the illnesses. You'd be surprised by how much the family support groups can help. They've really helped me through the past year. The national website is www.nami.org, from there click on Find Support.
Posted by: LRH at January 16, 2007 12:39 AM
yes i am familiar with a local NAMI group and there are caring people there that i try to be caring to as well. however, the group has people either with illnesses themselves or children with mental illness - and it really is a whole different ballgame when the person is your mate and life partner you've become one in marriage with for over 20 years.
it was so nice to see another comment on here! thanks. : )
take care.
Posted by: kathy at January 16, 2007 01:44 AM
I agree Kathy. I have been to NAMI meeting for families. It is really tough to find anyone else who is a long time married partner of someone who is mentally ill.
I wish there was a group just for spouses in real life. That would really be helpful.
Jamie
Posted by: Jamie at January 21, 2007 09:41 PM
i hear you. thanks for responding. take care. i mean that.
Posted by: kathy at January 22, 2007 12:31 AM
Hey our family is in the same boat as you are. Though we are not sure what the diagnosis is for our father. However my mom is in the same exact boat you are, and we are very concerned with the behavior that our father inacts. We want a resolution and want him to get back to normality. We are going to do it the best way we know how, and thats through prayer. I will pray for you. Just to let you know that most christians fast during lent. And I am not sure if you are a christian or not. But hey if you want a change, try fasting and praying. No medicine in the world is as good. Just thought i would come in and drop in and put my two cents in.
P.s. - my mom has been going with this issue for 27 years. so keep holding on. Dont give up. I'm sure you are a 'light' to other females out there.
Posted by: Nilesh at February 11, 2007 02:46 AM
when we are weak, then He is strong. i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. i know i can't do it on my own, that's for sure. i read somewhere: you know how it says God won't give you anything you can't handle, well sometimes i just wish He didn't have such a high opinion of me!
; )
Posted by: kathy at March 28, 2007 05:33 PM
I'm not sure how I got here to this site, but...
I'm so thankful anytime I find REAL people talking openly about REAL life, joy and pain. It's always beautiful and hopeful.
I'm 24 years old, and this last sunday my fiance and I broke off our engagement. It was the hardest day of my life. I feel as if I've lost my heart.
She has been struggling with a lot of depression / anxiety / panic, which she'd been going to counseling for and taking some meds.
There were so many changes for her that I think she lost herself (new engagement, new state, new friends, new job...).
She doesn't want me to have to "deal with" her emotional baggage, but doesn't love give it's life to partner with the other's burden?
I have felt the heaviness of it. It has worn me down. But at the same time, it worn me down to real love, down to the truth of why I love her.
We just know what to do. And it's ended now.
But love is worth anything if it's real. That's what I want to live, and for her to live.
thanks for sharing your lives.
Posted by: ben at March 31, 2007 12:39 AM
feel for you ben. how is everybody out there? i check this site occasionally but haven't seen anything new posted either by the writer or by anyone else for awhile so i'll check in i suppose. it's been hard as of late, relationship-wise, cuz my husband had been relapse free for 15 years and then had to go in a stress center before getting him moved to a v.a. psych hospital and now he's in a residential care facility. man this illness gets so tiring - emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually - on us both, and on our marriage. just came back from visiting him. feels like life is on hold. counseling helps the hurt and grieving/sadness. the Lord be with you all out there trying to deal with issues like these. take care.
Posted by: kathy at June 24, 2007 03:00 AM
I wish Jamie would post so we know how its going. Hey ma'am we're checking in on ya'll! My husband and I are separated for now although I do not want it, he became very bizarre, a bit violent, after I had our first, probably only, baby. He has no insight into having a mental illness. We got him to go to one psychiatrist who said he is psychotic and needs antipsychotic meds & hospitalization to be stabilized, but I would not/could not involuntarily commit him (I didn't think it would work but I should have tried) and his family won't do an intervention, even. He blames me for "everything." He thinks the doctor is "lying" or "wrong" about him. I feel hope is almost all lost. It is awful. I have no husband, our son no father, my husband does not have us. I do not know how to fix it. He says if I just "admit I was wrong" to leave him and come home, have faith, all will be well. Because he has no idea he is NOT well, will not even admit he MAY have an issue to get checked out, he has told me he would never take meds and never go back to the dr. He is ignoring his physical health now and sometimes skips supper even though he is very very skinny already. I am worried and helpless to help him, I think. Please pray for us everyone. I feel we are not getting any help from anyplace and this is just awful. God bless you all here and everywhere dealing with your own family members' illnesses. Any suggestions, please send them to me, I am nearly out of ideas.
Posted by: leanne at September 28, 2007 04:20 PM
Please keep writing. THis blog really helps me cope.
Posted by: LNS at October 31, 2007 08:49 PM