Marriage and Mental Illness

I am still here

First, thanks to all the people who have responded to my blog. I read them all and appreciate the words of support.

I have had a horrible last 7 days.I spent the weekend with some "normal" people and then had to come back to our non normal reality. I guess what happens is that I see what "normal" people have and do and I want that too. However, that is not going to be. So I need to refocus again and get back into our groove.

It hurts not to be able to have what you want. Makes me feel like a four year old stomping her feet.

Hb is weaning off the seroquel and seems to have a little more energy, not sleeping quite as much. It has only been a couple of weeks so it may be a while before we see if the Geodon can work on it's own...

Sorry it has taken me so long to update my blog, but I have not had the energy or courage to write anything. I will try to do better. :)

Hey

First I would like to thank everyone who responds to me. I read your messages and really appreciate the support.
Well, things are still going around here. I have not been coping real well this week and need to get my act back together.
I would not say that I have been having a pity party per se...just a lot of thoughts.
Sometimes this disease seems so heavy with no light at the end of a tunnel. I am going to try to refocus this long weekend and get my bearings back.
I love my husband and my children more than life itself. I know that I need to take care of myself too, but that is really hard to do sometimes.
Sorry if it seems that I am rambling. I hope when I start feeling better I will be able to write more.

med change

The dr is working with m to wean him off seroquel....
He is taking Geodon, Seroquel, Lithium and Zoloft currently. The reason for dropping the seroquel is due to cost...as we have been getting it for free and that is coming to an end. We just cannot afford to pay full price for it. Also, the dr. is wondering if he is overmedicated.

It makes me very, very nervous. I have seen what happens when he changes meds...not a pretty picture. The last time he was going to leave me and didn't love me anymore. I am not sure that I can go through that again. It really was bad last time.

More later.

Hi All

Hi again and so sorry it has taken me so long to write again. Just been busy!

M has got a puppy for himself. She is a cute thing, however we needed another dog like we needed a hole in the head. We have 2 dogs already and they are my responsibility. I told him that he must take responsibility for this dog, as I am too busy to take on any more. He has been doing really well, so far.

I have always tried to get him to bond with my two dogs, but it just never happened. I think (and don't laugh) that he was jealous of them. He has never been mean to them, but has made comments, etc...

I am glad that he has found this puppy. I think it will be good for him, I think dogs truly are man's (and women's) best friend.

It is getting hot here. uggggh. I always get bummed out about this time of year. Not sure really why, but last year I went on anti-depressants and that seems to have helped me. I think it is knowing that a long hot summer is ahead. I hate the heat and do get physically sick if I get too hot. So I feel rather trapped in the house when it gets hot.

I have been working on my flower gardens. This is a real therapy for me. M always makes nice comments about how pretty my flowers are. That makes me feel really good, as he is not one for lots of verbal affection.

Well, it will be 2 weeks and then M's family will be here to visit from out of state. I am anxious to see them all. I hope that M holds up well. Sometimes the stress of company can be too much. I'll let you know what happens!

I will write again soon.