Marriage and Mental Illness

Wow!

I have been off my blog for a while during our move and job searching and here I have all these replies/ comments and didn't even know it! I am so sorry that I have not responded sooner!
I am glad to know that my rambling is helping some spouses out there.
If any spouses would like to email me please do. I check my email quite often during the day so I should be able to respond semi-quickly.

We have moved. Quite the ordeal, but it is done and over with. I also think our former house is finally going to sell so that will be a huge financial burden off our shoulders.
I am currently working fast food. Good grief, I hate it. 40 years old and slinging burgers and making messes out of icecream cones. But it does provide me with somewhat of a meager income to buy some groceries with. It is definitely not a long term situation by any means. I am looking for something constantly. I am also going to take on part time work selling scrapbooking supplies.
M. is not working. The ssdi sure helps, but of course it isn't enough. I don't know if he will ever work again. He has gone out and applied for part time work, but so far, nothing. He says he feels so much better since we moved. Says it is probably because he is living basically stress free as far as work goes. He does do the house work, laundry, supervising of our 3 teens, etc...so that is really helpful to me.
The most stressful thing right now is the finances. Probably going to make a trip to the pawn shop tomorrow to see what I can pawn for grocery money. We have also gone to the food pantry and what a blessing that is. I have promised myself that as soon as I have any extra money, I am going to go there and take food or money. I don't think we have ever been this broke before. One lucky thing is our landlord provides internet included in our rent, so I can still be online! I still have hope and a dream of finding a job that I love. It will happen, just have to be patient.
Still deal with M.'s lack of personal hygiene. I have kinda just tried to ignore it. Be kind and patient. He says he just doesn't have the energy to do anything about it. That must be a horrible feeling.
I am still on anti-depressants and frankly, I am afraid to go off them! LOL.
Our children are the bright spots in our lives. They are such troopers living with little money. What they wouldn't give to go out to McDonalds or any other fast food place! Me too! :O)
We are lucky that after a month of searching we found M a new dr in our new area. She is very kind and is getting him free meds! That is a blessing. They also have a sliding fee scale so whatever medicare doesn't pay for, we can afford. Amen.
I guess I would just say for now, we are ok. Things are not great, but they could be worse. I am still so lonely sometimes I think that my heart is shriveling up. Well will talk about that another time. Much love and sending strength to all the other spouses out there. Jamie