Living in Chaos: Survival

Buttressed�

I travel looking back on favorite memories,
And often see your eyes there looking back at me.
It wasn�t long ago when you were small enough
To lay upon my chest to drift and dream.

Petal soft and smiling in your innocence,
I listened to your heart next to my own.
The peace I felt was heaven sent, and to my life,
Your spirit was the piece that made mine whole.

You grew and learned to run, yet still turned back to me,
Seeking firm foundation in my face.
Reflected smiles of warmth were seen, and off you flew,
Days passed by existing there in grace.

Remember when you went to school to take control,
And all the world was there at your command?
Fearless in your confidence you traveled paths
And navigated dunes of shifting sand.

Step by step, as sentinel, I stood aside,
And as you soared I helped you take to wing.
All the smiles and grins, and rumbled laughs I�d hear
Were answers, the fulfillment of my dreams.

Sitting here I�m saturated by your pain,
Unable to relieve you from torment.
And lifting my eyes heavenward am comforted,
By the power of your memories heaven sent .

Believing in the power of faith, I know that you
Will soon return to me, and be made new.
The purpose for your suffering I don�t yet see,
But with my soul I know we�ll make it thru.

You�re not alone at any time, for he sustains
With living water, washing tenderly,
Inundating waterfalls of gentleness�
Sustenance is offered for belief.

I spent pretty much the entire church service in tears this morning. Couldn't sing, hard to smile, and begging for prayers. The message was based on the scripture

Romans 8:28 and we know in all thinge God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
It's very difficult for me to see how David's illness can be used in his or my life for good and a purpose, but I have to find the faith to believe. God forgive my unbelief....
I'm not as uncontrolled now, just still feeling the after effects of swollen, painful eyes. Gene took Dalton swimming to give me a break.

I called the hospital a bit after noon today to see if David was doing any better. We were trying to determine if we should visit this evening, given his agitation and paranoia last night. I was told he was clearer headed, but to call back about 3 to check again.

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I just got off the phone with the nurse, evidently, David is in the seclusion room alone, they had to administer a shot of haldol. He had a plan and was telling them exactly what he was going to do to whom, how he was going to do it, and was extremely threatening. They had to call security. Thank God, he chose to walk to the seclusion room and take the medication, so he is not in restraints... Needless to say we will be calling to see if he is calm enough to talk this evening, but will not be visiting.

My question is: Is it normal for people with Schizophrenia to have a certain time of day when the lose it?!? David typically holds it together at school, then has a difficult time in the afternoon and evening. He gets home around 3pm. The nurse said he had been doing well today, playing card and talking to a female patient until right at 3pm he just wigged out, for no apparent reason. I asked if this has been true the past couple days as well. Pretty good in am, then Boom! in the afternoon? she said yes.

I asked her to talk with the pdoc about adjusting his dosing times to accommodate for this....
David got very agitated and threatening, had a plan, was telling the staff exactly what he was going to do, how he was going to do it, then began to make moves..... They called security and he chose to walk with the security, thank God! but he is in seclusion and they gave a shot of Haldol......

We will not be visiting tonight. Hopefull he will be calm enough to take a phone call later.

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