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It has been 2 weeks today since David came home from the hospital. he is currently on 200mg Clozaril BID, 80mg Geodon BID, his Endocrinologist just raised his Synthroid to 88mg daily. He halso has Trazadone PRN for sleep, and Thorazine PRN for agitation and psychosis.
I am very pleased to see that David is, for the most part, doing much better. He is not making violent threats anymore, and even when he gets upset, he is not actually presenting violent actions. His mind seems to be clearing some. Although he has not done homework, still, since 5 weeks before his hospitalization, he is talking moer about school, without getting upset and losing control. He has been showing motivation and initiation to do activities which he is interested in doing. Example: he mowed the neighbor's lawn last Saturday without being asked, he did a good job, presented a bill, and received payment, all on his own. He tried to go to youth family group for the first time in months. This is a church related gathering. They have stopped for the summer, but he made the effort to go!
David is still very irritable, especially when tired or incomfortable. If he is asked to do anything during these times, he still will decompensate and break down into cursing, yelling, and name calling, when accusations of persecution and paranoia... he is complaining that he is havint trouble staying awake during the earlier part of the day, at school, and has asked me about returning his Provigil prescription to wake up. I told him I would prefer to wait and talk to the doctor next week, he agreed to do so. I wonder if we changed the Clozaril dose to 100am, and 300pm, if it would help????? We will talk to his therapist today and relay a message to his pdoc.
I have a feeling, that we are coming to the point that we will have to realize that there is a level of symptom containment, David will reach, and the remaining irritability and agitation, paranoia and victim identity will simply have to be accepted and managed. It does not look like he will be one of those lucky few, whose symptoms are put in complete remission by medication. I think I have been hoping and praying that this would be so, but have to accept that it will not be. Yet another step in the reality of greiving and adjustment in dealing with this illness...
David did remarkably well while we were gone to Vegas. My mother relayed that he did not lose control while we were gone, and though she did nto ask hardly anything of him during that time, his affect and overall functioning was noticably improved when we returned.
We filled his medication yesterday, so far his bloodwork seems to be just fine. His doctor has requested that we not do anymore increased in dose until after we see him next week on Friday. We are hoping to see increased efficacy of the currect dose as his body adjusts to the medication.
Thanks you so much for reading my thoughts, prayers and hopes...
I have just completed a book of my poetry and thoughts related to dealing with david's illness and our journey through hospitalization... available at http://www.lulu.com/BettyJo
God Bless,
There is always a light, no matter how dim, if only we seek to find it.
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