The Joy of Madness

High for today

Today I am very high. I mean in the legal way. I am still awake at 7:20 p.m. I've been up 19 hours now. I'm really happy because I have been house sitting for my mom and it has been an escape for me. No one had the phone number here except one close friend. We went out to lunch to celebrate our birthdays. Hers is today and mine is the 29th. Also, I am excited aobut moving. Not the actual drudgery, but the chance to leave behind all the memories and history in that apartment. I had a great time at a meeting that I usually can't stand and two workers hugged me today. The people at PRTNS are like a family for me. They aren't even my second family. Also, we found out today that the county has decided not to cut self-help. We were jubilant today. Good news for the developmentally disabled as well; as it looks like in home supportive services might not get the axe either. We (PRTNS) are going to Sacramento to do a rally against cuts. If my health permits I will go to Sacramento twice in May. Once for mental health and again for the dd population. That's a really hard trip as either you take a really slow bus ride up and do a one day turn around or you take a train. They pretty much can't fly anyone or pay for a hotel stay. I prefer the train to the bus. I am going to look into getting help to purchase some property. It would either be a condo or a mobile home. There is a program run by the mental health association of L.A. County called my front door where they give you $10,000 toward the down payment of a condo. I don't know if I could apply that to a mobile home though. My friends have gone through the program and are really in love with their properties. A cheap condo (500 sq ft.) goes for $45,000 here. To me that is outrageous! But that's what my friends have and they pay $200 each for their hoa and their mortgage. To me that is nothing. You wouldn't be able to touch an apartment that size for less than $800.

They might send me to Japan again in the Fall. That is if I'm better. The only concern I have besides exhaustion is missing some school. It's a ten day trip; but maybe I could get my classes only on one or two days a week. I'm considering skipping a family reunion/memorial in July (in Iowa) because 1. I'm not really up to it physically, and 2. I'm upset because my family in Texas (where I'm from) doesn't call or write. I'm ready to give up on them. Gifts just don't make me feel a part of the family. It is difficult to just get a card and a gift on your birthday. They can't be bothered with me anymore because I have too many problems. I'm working on this stuff in therapy. I go to a shrink who dissects my dreams and this is how I see my subconscious. I just want validation. She's expensive though and I can't affford her for long. I think I'm kind of crazy for going to see her. It's a treat to myself though. It's one of those offices where the person exiting her office goes through a different door so that patients don't see each other. My eyes are blurry now.