The Joy of Madness

Newsletter/Panic

I was reading the newsletter here on schiz.com and wondering what the types of schiz. are. It was saying that there are all these different forms and that they know the genes for one form that is found in people that are more able to be rehabilitated. That was interesting. Also, I was reading an article found on a link to The San Bernadino Sun that the developmentally disabled have better advocates than the mentally ill do. I know that's true because I'm always getting calls and e-mails from a union rep from SEIU who asks me to go lobby or rally here and there for the rights of the developmentally disabled. They attributed the difference in advocacy to the stigma of the mentally ill. With so many mentally ill people why don't we as the mentally ill and our families advocate better? I figure that say in a family where a second cousin, and at least two cousins are mentally ill, this has affected maybe eight sets of Grandparents, six sets of parents, at least six siblings and who knows how many aunts and uncles etc. But no one is admitting they have someone with mental illness in their family. If everyone came out of the closet, then maybe we could stop the hatred and discrimination inflicted on mental health consumers in the media and in many societal instiitutions. Maybe the famous people could be first. I mean, everyone loves them. No one will stop buying movie or concert tickets because someone advocates for their mentally ill relative.

Enough on that. I am freaking out because I have a fasting glucose and cortisol test at 8:00 this morning. It is 6:22 and I am shaking and in a cold sweat. They don't know what is wrong with me. I finally got my health benefits at work, so I have Kaiser, and my health care will be integrated now. That will make life easier. They are hypothesizing that my liver is damaged from the medications I've taken for 13 years or so. They will test that today as well. Thank God for Access, so that I can get a ride there. I will eat at the hospital when they've finished with me. I kind of just wanted it to be a brain tumor so that they could just cut this out of me. I was kind of fantasizing that they could remove the crazy part of my brain too. I didn't want a complete personality transplant or anything, just maybe the removal of certain aspects of it. Oh well, not this time. I wonder if I can have coffee with nutrisweet in it. I'm having a panic attack but I feel really tired. I woke up at 1:30 a.m. and haven't slept since.