The Joy of Madness

Weird Week

I pretty much was home all week debilitated by pain and nausea. I couldn't go to the advisory board a week ago because I was very ill.

I went to the new gyno on Tuesday and she was weird. She probed about the post traumatic stress diorder diagnosis that I had written on my medical questionaire. I gave her information and she got all weird on me. She gave me 20 minute speech on accepting Jesus into my heart and that if I only would forgive then I could stop all my medication. She said that the devil puts psychosis in our minds and that Christians don't have any reason not to heal themselves. She made me late to my meeting and I got a migraine because I couldn't eat before my meeting. She was running an hour behind schedule. I kept waiting because I kept thinking that this would be the doctor who would help me.

She did do a sonogram and showed me a picture of the cyst on my right ovary. She said that the only thing to do would be to take Vicodin for the next two months until she does another sonogram to see if the cyst has grown. So according to her (warped mind) I should sit here like this for two more months. She doesn't believe I should have a hysterectomy with the removal of my ovaries because I am only 36 and that I should keep my ovaries for another 15 years or so. They told me to take hormones so that I will not continue to develop cysts now; but I am sure that that is what is causing the nausea. This ain't cool. I want to go back to work.

The ups and downs meeting was great on Tuesday night. It was fun. We had five people and a lively discussion. We are planning to bring in Psychiatrists to do a question and answer session later on. We will announce it far in advance so that we will be sure to have a crowd. I am supposed to promote the club with my therapist and doctor.

I watched the video "Alexander". It was really good except for the long fighting scenes.

My step-mom sent me some angels. I collect them. That was very nice.

Here are two new poems:

Rotten Eggs
My internally lain eggs
have given me this disease
you convey your concern
and soon you leave me.
Someone owes you $10
so you go to collect;
leaving me to wonder
how long I have left
and when you'll disappear.
Your $10 will buy your ticket
to escape this death mask.

Unbury
Sleepwalking Psychiatrists
on too much Ambien
or maybe psychotic demon doctors
going with the status quo
never really hearing
the stories
always replaying
copies of soundtracks
for each new patient
same old story
with a new cover.
10 doctors misdiagnosed
repeating this
"genetic disease"
because of which
I had a tubal ligation,
gained 100 pounds,
turned hypoglycemic,
became more myopic,
grind my teeth,
have jaw spasms,
and have diarreah.
Thanks to 10 doctors
who gave me this disease
with their black magic wands;
I have lost 15 years of my adulthood.
First my childhood
was stolen.
Now I must unbury myself again.

Posted by Butterfly Emerging at December 3, 2005 09:26 PM