The Joy of Madness

Petunia Pickle Bottom

That is the name of a designer which is on the red silk Japanese print backpack I bought recently. It is so pretty! The designer name reminds me of a children's book title.

I am disallusioned today for some reason. I find myslfe quite sad. I know one factor is that my mom univited me for New Years Eve. She said I should come the weekend that my sisters will be off work in January. I don't have the time or the energy to go there for three days. Also, I work on the weekends. She is not taking this into consideration. She wrote me last Wednesday and I have not nor will I respond to her. It is such a slight that I won't bother with it. She also mentioned that she would only pay for half of the plane ticket and I can't afford to pay half. Screw her! I am actually very angry today. I guess it started after there wasn't enough hot water to wash my hair in my shower. Oh poor me right? But it was all down hill from there.

I feel ripped off in terms of my family. They are inaccessable. Every night I cry myself to sleep. I am torn apart. I see my dr. tomorrow and she will boost my Lexapro I am sure. The thing is she can't fix my life. I don't want to see my therapist anymore because she really did not go to bat for me about the incident where they told us that we must pee in front of them. Insanity rules this situation I live in. I feel kind of powerless.

I went to UCLA on Friday in a downpour to apply for the grant I need to be able to study at their extension. I chose screenwriting and I also chose photography as an alternative. I would have to put out some money for photography since my camera was stolen and I need to have a manually focusing camera to take the class. It includes darkroom work. I have taken photography in the past and I am very good at it. One time I had an assignment to shoot movement and one photo I shot was of a cigarette flushing down a toilet.

I guess I will go soak in the bathtub now.

Posted by Butterfly Emerging at December 5, 2007 02:26 AM