The Joy of Madness

Fiction Class is fun

I started a fiction class at UCLA and it seems like it will be very helpful. The teacher has a formula for writing and expects at least 5 pages per week for the next nine weeks. Maybe I can write a novel after all. In the Fall I will return to Cal State Northridge. I have 24 more units. I can take 3 classes at a time.

I will have a Laparoscopy soon. They put a camera in your stomach through an incision. I hope that I am not disabled by that because I really want to finish this class. I will get more pain pills tomorrow.

This past weekend I went to the beach and to a concert at a museum. I saw an East Indian ensemble and an Afro-Cuban ensemble. They both played drums with their hands. I really loved it. Last week I saw a movie called Look at Me. It was good.

On the whole I feel uplifted from the ever increasing dosage of Lamictal. I'm off of the Lithium now. Thank God for that. The Dr. said I wasn't supposed to taper off so quickly; but I misunderstood him. Anyhow it turned out well. I asked the Dr. if I could go back on Geodon and he said I could combine Abilify with it. Since starting Abilify one and a half years ago I have gained about 35 pounds.

This week I will maybe see a movie, write a story, go to class, and celebrate Passover with a friend. My friend asked me to help her file papers for her divorce; so we will go to the government center this week. My Mom's upset with because she thinks I am being lazy.
That really makes me sad and angry and I feel like avoiding her. I mean who wants to be a disappointment. I think she is ashamed of me.

My birthday is coming on the 29th. I will be 36. I am going to a play with my Mom called Electricidad. It is an adaptation of Electra that takes place in East Los Angeles. A friend is taking me to lunch on my birthday. A bipolar group I attend is having a birthday potluck this Thursday. I like to make Tamale Pie. I become more alive at this time of year when there is more sunlight and you can be outdoors more often.

I have some new poetry. One is kind of funny and the other a little sad.

My dark slippery lines of comedy
about the transiency of life
hang in my memory because
once again,I think
"there before the grace of God go I."
Her face hilly and brown
like the Arizona desert
her thinking disorganized
talking about what a great shot she was
and how she could have shot her landlord
when the lady disappeared her eight cats.
Now all of her belongings
belong in a garbage bag
the rest she was forced to leave behind
because the bus came
and it was time to go.

Child Speak

Yo Mama
yo mama, yo daddy and
yo greasy granny!
Yo granny's
got holes in her panties.
That's not fair,
Ahhm gonna tell.
Wrap em up in toilet paper
send em down the elevator.
Boy, girl, twins,
or trip-uh-lets.

April is finally here

I went to Las Vegas and didn't have a very good time. There was ciggarette smoke everywhere. There was a guy who came up to my friend and asked her for a light so that he could light his joint. He goes "This is the last time I will ever see you." I thought wow, that's kind of deep. (LOL)

I love April because this is my birth month. I want to do something special for it. My Mom wants to take me to a play. It is a tough choice between Angels in America or Electra. Electra is an adaptation which takes place in East Los Angeles. I would really love to see Tori Amos too. Either, or.

I feel really good lately. I guess the Lamictal boost has really suited me just fine.

I went to an al-anon meeting last night and learned that everyone, even normies suffer from paranoia. They even feel like people are staring at them and avoid doing certain things so as not to be noticed. One lady said she realized one day that she was not the sun and she didn't cause all that is wrong in other's lives, or their wrongdoings, and that it isn't her job to fix it either.
I thought that only people with mental illness perceived an imaginary audience and had a feeling of omnipotence. Interesting. So how ill are we, honestly.

I wrote some goofy poetry today that I will post here. One is not so goofy.

Child Speak

Yo mama,
yo mama, yo daddy,AND
yo greasy granny!
Yo granny's got holes
in her panties!
That's not fair!
You're cheating.
Ahhm gonna tell.
Wrap 'em up in toilet paper,
send 'em down the elevator,
boy, girl,
twins or trip-uh-lets!

Cheers and Jeers

Nice lipstick!
Nice legs, Manita!
Tiene labios grandes!
Parece un estrella.
Parece Madonna.
Mira la guapa.
Es muy bonita,
pero es muy triste.
And the chorus sings
Thank you, Thank you.

Good Shot

My dark slippery lines
of comedy
about the transiency of life,
hang on in my memory,
because again
there before
the grace of god
go I.
Her face hilly, dry, and brown
as the Arizona desert,
her light blue eyes
just a mirage of water there,
her thinking disorganized;
talking about
what a great shot she is
and how she could have shot
the landlady who disappeared
her eight cats.
Now all of her belongings
belong in a garbage bag
the rest she was forced
to leave behind
because the bus came
and it was time to go.