The Joy of Madness

Becoming Assertive

I am trying to become more assertive. I made an appointment to see a new Gyno for Tuesday the 29th of November. I will be asking for a blood test called a CA-125. This is one of the tests that can possibly detect Ovarian Cancer. My cousin had ovarian cancer and I need to rule out the possibility of that being the cause of my ovarian pain. I have never been given this test before. They say that if you have a close relative who has had the disease and you have never had children then you are at an increased risk of developing it.

I took over the club called Ups and Downs which is a support group for people with bipolar and unipolar depression. People with any diagnosis of mental illness are welcome. I will attend the Advisory Board tomorrow between 9:45 and 3:00. I will receive $85 for 12 hours of work per month. That is not a lot of money but I think it is worth my effort to keep the club afloat. This was the first meeting I ever went to to get support for mental illness. It really has changed over the years. I have to rebuild it from scratch.

I am still waiting on a phone call to get to interview for L.A. Unified School District.

I had my Thnksgiving dinner here last night. It was good. I had two friends over. My friend Julie bought a carrot cake with cheese cake frosting.

My Mom is throwing a Christmas party at her house on December 10. Also, I have a party on December 21.

One of my friends is in the hospital. That makes me sad.

The Home Buying class I attended last Saturday was quite informative. I found out about a program that could help my mom buy a four plex or triplex to use as low income housing. Also, I learned that the programs that I already knew about can be applied to a duplex if you can't afford to buy a home by yourself. You can go in on it with a friend or a relative and still obtain loan assistance and a low interest rate as long as both applicants will be occupants. So, I could get my friend Julie or my cousin Lori to buy with me as long as the second person lives in the other half of the unit. It cannot be used as a rental unit.

I'm considering taking a temporary job just to make ends meet. Maybe as a caregiver.

I Passed!

I went to take the high school proficiency test today and I passed! I get to go on the district wide interview now. They will call when they schedule interviews. That could be a little or a long time. Anyway I am quite happy about that. I have always had dreams where I don't graduate from high school because I never felt like I was up to snuff on all my subjects.

I invited an old friend named Ken over tonight for dinner. I haven't seen him in 5 years. He ran into another friend of mine at a Sears and so I decided to try to call him. He was happy to hear from me. I am about to make the tamale pie. I might make a salad too.

Friday night I will sleep over at my friend's house and we will wake up early and go downtown to a homebuying class. I cannot currently buy property due to debts and (more importantly) lack of substantial income. I am working on those though.

I might have some people over for Thanksgiving day. My Mom is going to Seattle for the holiday.

I might go thrift shopping on Sunday if i can scrape together some money. My friend invited me again.

I was turned down for the building I had applied to live in. They didn't say why though. I guess I must stay put for a little longer.

I wrote a new poem.

Ironing a dead man's shirt
the last one he will ever wear
my last act of kindness
done with loving care.

Even in death we shall not part
even though my love comes
from a broken heart.

I shall prevail over the memories
of his negative qualities.
I will remember
all of his fabulous stories
and try to forget the absence of warmth
from a man who knew not
how to speak to me.

Thanks to Lamar! How Beautiful!

Thanks, Lamar for the sweet tidbit you left on my Valentine's Day Party blog. Did you write that line or did someone else? I hope I don't sound too dense when I ask that. Also, the way my Dyslexic mind reads it is that the heart that (has direction) knows its own way finds love. And then I thought that maybe love brings direction to the heart. Interesting either way. This sounds lame; but what comes first the heart or the love?

I plan on responding to Rick who wrote a comment about emailing him.

I wanted to give a link to the ACLU website for a new program on freedom of expression in The United States of America. It is: www.aclu.tv.com. And can you believe I tried to be all cool by putting an image here but unfortunately I am completely techologically unsavvy!

Gosh, I had the best day today! My boyfriend returned from Mexico and that was a thrill. We went to Balboa Lake and had a picnic. It is a small lake sourrounded by a walking/jogging/skating path. You can rent paddle boats there and fish. There are lots of birds attracted to that area because there are wetlands there and that is the catch basin for rain water in the Valley. Anyhow, I saw some Pelicans, some Egrets, some Geese, some Ducks, some Sea Gulls, and a Hawk. There were also some other small black birds I could not identify. It was beautiful and Victor had never been there before.

Anyway at the lake we saw a young homeless couple scavengering in the garbage cans and Victor asked them if they wanted to eat with us. So we ate together and I hooked them up to Cornerstone, a service provider for the homeless mentally ill. I had asked if they got SSI (because I got that feeling) and they do and said they were having trouble collecting their payments due to an overdrawn checking account which had been subjected to fraud. So they were happy about that and I also referred them to Lutheran Social Services which gives food, clothing, and motel vouchers to the homeless. They had already been there but didn't take the vouchers because they have at least one viscious dog living with them in their van. The woman gets really depressed if she is separated from her dogs. The guy had been a foster child and his biological mom had kicked him in the head forcing him to have to have a metal plate inserted there.

While we were eating as a group a Japanese guy walked up and asked us to be in his movie. They were filming a documentary there. So, the male actor ran up to our table (which was covered with a plaid throw and my colorful wicker picnic basket)and asked if we wanted to buy a dvd. As he asked us this he pointed to his open shoulder bag. We sat stunned (the director had not asked us to react in a particular way) and then the "FBI" came in to tackle and arrest him. I just told these people that I hoped I didn't laugh on camera. So for our effort they rewarded us with a crispy cream donut apiece. Then I asked the guy if they were from Japan and he said yes and I told him I had been there before and it was nice. He then said Domo Arigato and I returned in kind and he replied Domo Arigato Gazimas. I don't really think I spelled it all right; but it means thank you very much in a very kind way. It was thrilling!

Did I say that I passed the L.A. school district exam for special ed trainee? I get to go take the high school proficiency test on the 17th. After that, assuming that I pass that, I go do a district wide interview. After that I will do a school based interview to be accepted for a particular position. Until I am hired my Mom has asked me if I would please go volunteer at her school in the Special ed. Pre-Kindergarten. I think that will be a lot of fun.

I am having a second poem published. It is called Pig. I don't know if it is on this site; but I'm sure it is.

Over the weekend I went thrift shopping with a friend and we had a blast. I got all kinds of decorating ideas at Goodwill; but funds don't permit me to buy those items just now. I barely got my rent paid this month. But since it is paid, I can relax until December first. I have actually gotten 3 day eviction notices twice now recently.

I am going to go to church with Victor on Sunday. He goes to this huge church nearby that I have been wanting to go to for a very long time; but have been to scared to go to alone. I really need this.

Happy Halloween!

I haven't done much for Halloween. I did go to my friend Linda's Birthday party at El Coyote Mexican restaurant in West Hollywood on Saturday. I took two buses each way and was held up in Hollywood where they had closed off a street for a movie premiere. My friend was having a costume contest but I did not dress up because I had wanted to be a fortune teller and I thought that it would be too cold to wear a skirt. My friend Andy won the contest and was dressed as The Phantom of the Opera. Linda sang a song while playing her guitar. Other people sang Jewish songs. There was a beautiful chocolate cake with rasperries and it was sugar free.

I went to Los Angeles Unified School District to apply and am due to take a test Friday morning. I am just worried about getting there on time. It is at 8:30 a.m. and is not very close to me. I have been waking up kind of late lately. I might benefit from the new mode of transportation in my area called the orange line. It is a rapid busway that links the east and west ends of the San Fernando Valley.

I will not be moving into that building I have been so excited about because the apartments are very tiny. I was very disappointed in that. My friend drove me by there the other day and we peeked through the windows. I will just stay here a bit longer and wait for home prices to drop a little.

My boyfriend left today on a trip to Mexico for a week. I am going to miss him.

I am now receiving talk therapy once a week. That is a lot better than twice a month.

I would like to take over a meeting for people with Bipolar or Unipolar depression. My friend is currently running it; but I get the feeling that she really isn't that into it. I think it is the perfect time to make necessary changes to that meeting because it has pretty much died down to nothing.

I have been watching Starting Over on NBC and love it. It is filmed not too far from here. So I am all of a sudden into Iyanla Vanzant who is a life coach on the show. I want to read all of her books.

I am reading one on simplifying your life called The Simplicity Reader by Elaine St. James. It gives ways to reduce stress, clutter, busy work, and time zappers. Now I am to a different section that deals with inner work. It covers relationships and how to know yourself better. It is now discussing how to form a support group of people who are doing spiritual searching. The really good thing about the book is that it has very short chapters. They are generally one to two pages long. What I found kind of funny in the first part of the book was how she keeps saying to minimize your posessions. Like if you have two cars go down to one or if you have one just use the bus. And it tells you to move to a small condo if you live in a house and to sell your property and move into an apartment to save on maintenance and so that you can travel without having to sell your property. It gives a system for throwing out your stuff that you have collected. You pack it in boxes and in a year you just throw out the box. I think it is pretty funny because I am already living a pretty simple life according to her and that's not the norm apparently.

I am going to see my friend on Sunday to go thrift shopping or something. I know this Jewish Women's Thrift Store that has a $1 garage sale every Sunday.

I am going to go searching for some cultural activities to do with friends since I have been missing those for a while.