The Joy of Madness

Dear Kayli, I am so sorry if I offended you with the joke about schizophrenics. It was just a take on the how many ...does it take to screw in a light bulb..joke. My friend and I were cutting up and we both are mentally ill. She is schizophrenic and I thought I was at that time. Who knows what I really am. The real joke is that we don't have imaginary friends. No one I know does anyhow. Just like Schizophrenia doesn't mean multiple personalities. Take care. Heather

Brain Freeze

I still haven't received a call from the school district about my start date. I am bored silly here.

Yesterday I saw Goodnight and Goodluck and I really liked it. My friend slept through most of it though. My Dad was fired from his prison gaurd job in the 70's in Texas because Mom is in the socialist party and Nixon's administration didn't care for that. My parents had already divorced by then; but that didn't matter. Before my mom and dad met my dad was a mortician. People get a kick out of hearing about my parent's jobs. My mom used to be a train engineer.

Tomorrow I am going to talk to a realtor who might be able to help me buy a condo. I am really excited about it. My friend and I are meeting the realtor at my friend's house at 11:30 a.m. I was supposed to have coffee with Fardin at 11:00; but will postpone until possibly Saturday.

Lester from Las Vegas (my Penpal)didn't come last Saturday. It was a bit of a bummer.

Tomorrow night I might attend a meeting for depressive and manic depressive people with a friend.

Friday I am going to visit my friend Annie. She wants to go to a park near her home.

I saw my friend Ron today and he asked me to throw a party and I told him that I would before summer but that I can't afford it right now.
I want to give him a referral to a roomate finder. He needs to find a place to live. He lives in a sober living house.

The dr. increased my levoxyl today because I told him that my energy is low lately.

I would like to go to a spoken word event on March 1. I have to see if there is a drink minimum. It is held at The Conga Room. Also, I would like to got to a little party at The Getty on Friday the third. There will be a band and you may tour the galleries.

I am still waiting for my glasses to be made. I ordered them on December 17 and they are not ready yet. The prisoners keep rioting and I guess they are not done making them yet. There have also been a lot of foggy days and they don't work on foggy days. I don't know if I already said that but I think it is quite bizarre.

I have had no inspiration to write poetry lately. I must start to journal again and then maybe the ideas will roll.

A week or two ago Victor looked out and saw these gang bangers jump out of a car by this building next door. We were both scared as it was the middle of the night. We stayed very quiet. We figure that they were tagging the building next door. Today that building is up for sale. We really want to move out of this area. In the area that they mentioned I might work in I heard that a 85 year old women was beaten to death while taking a morning stroll. A woman in her twenties was shot there by a gang recently too. I was kind of considering moving to Valencia, CA; but may move to Woodland Hills instead. I will have to work in whatever area they send me to.

Hot to Cold

The weather went from hot to cold here really quickly. We were having 90's on Sunday and now 60's. I went to the park with Athena on Sunday and we played in the sandbox. We also made vlentine magnets for the refrigerator. Today I went to Starbuck's with Fardin and it turned really cold. I mean it isn't that cold in relation to other places in the north and midwest; but I didn't wear a coat today.

I'm bored because I am waiting for my security clearance with the school district. It is a huge beauracracy. I have not gotten a call yet about my start date. I don't have to interview. If they call tomorrow then I start on Tuesday; because Monday is a holiday. My first payday will be March 17th Saint Patrick's Day. I will be paid monthly.

I am well now in terms of the ear infections. The dr. I saw for it was a quack. (I don't know if I mentioned that.) He didn't lay a hand on me. We had a conversation as I sat in a chair. The intern nurse got my height, weight, and temperature wrong. It was a downer.

I am no longer running the meeting on Tuesday night. It was too stressful and not worth it.

I didn't go to choir practice last night because she held it at Portals a m.h. program around Korea Town and that is far from my house. It would have been impossible for me to take trains and buses at 7:30 p.m. when it ended. She held a rehearsal/dance/dinner last night for Valentine's Day. That would have been fun; but living where I do makes it impossible to travel.

I bought a bus pass so travel has been easier for me locally. I went to see my friend Annie in the west part of this valley.

I was hoping for warm weather this weekend so that Victor, Athena, and I could go swimming at my Mom's house; but we may have rain.

I was reading some really good articles on the npr site about mentally ill people and housing. You can listen to articles there. Also, MSN has good articles on mental health if you search for that topic under health.

I am supposed to see my penpal on Saturday; but I don't have money to do anything. I hope it doesn't rain. If not then maybe we will just go to Balboa Lake. If it rains we could stay in and watch videos.

They have neat tours on gotobus.com. They have bus trips and other things. I found bus tours for Yosemite and San francisco for Los Angeles. They also have trips to Las Vegas and The Grand Canyon. My friend Julie wants to go to the Ensenada trip with me that includes a one night hotel stay and trips to different towns and the beaches.

Cleaning House

Asaph, Thanks for the comment you wrote. I hope you get a job soon. Are you going through an employment agency or are you seeking employment on your own? Where are you from?

I cleaned my house yesterday after not being able to for a little while. It has been hard lately due to the bit of a cold I have had.

I wrote a children's story. I think I need money to get some help with illustrations and publishing though. I will make this a priority when I am earning money.

Today I go to have my t.b. test read at 12:30. After that I am going to visit my friend Annie at her village. I will be able to call the school district after I have the results of the t.b. test. It is negative because I can see there is no reaction.

On Saturday the 18th I will see my penpal from Las Vegas and we will go to China Town here in Los Angeles. I can't wait! I went to some really cool shops in China Town San Fransisco in the summer. I want to buy some ginger tea and some coffee, sugar, milk combo packs. In San Fransisco I bought a cool leopard print golf hat. I guess it is a golf hat.

I didn't make it to the endo on Wednesday because I needed to be seen for the ears and take the t.b. test. I will have to wait until March now.

I talked my friend Fardin into taking an internship. He is 44 and thought it was too late to start over. I told him that people do that all the time. He recently reduced his meds and began going to the victory clubhouse. He said he doesn't like some language of the meetings like Schizophrenics Anonymous or Emotions Anonymous because they say that we are flawed and sinners. He wants something more positive. He brings me up because he is so positive and intelligent. He is an American citizen now but is a refugee from Iran because he is a Bahai and they are persecuted in his country. We will continue having coffee together in the afternoons after I am done working.

It's A Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood

I got a call on Friday from LAUSD. They hired me!! They have a spot picked out for me at an elementary school about five miles away from here. I just need the t.b. test. So I will get it and have it read this week and possibly begin the 13th.

I got a copy of Paperclips on dvd and a copy of The Weeping Camel also. I hope to watch one today.

I went on a long walk to see an apartment and discovered that I really don't like the neighborhood or the building itself. I have a couple more buildings that are very close by that I will go to soon.
I am looking in the 1,200 dollar range. I would prefer to buy; but don't know if that is possible or wise right now.

My Mom is in The Virgin Islands currently and will probably return on Thursday.

I had a bad meeting last Tuesday. The people were angry with me for not bringing the coffee cups. It was insane literally. I couldn't believe such a big deal was made over the lack of coffee. One person in particular was taking an over the counter amphetamine and was also drinking coffee. She wasn't supposed to be consuming caffeine with that pill. Her doctor okd the pill; but only on the condition of no coffee. She has a history of taking aderall or vicodin and getting a fix from them. She was very hostile about not having coffee at the meeting. They give me fifteen dollars for snacks or whatever the meeting needs and I had exceeded the budget before the end of the month. I was having a really bad day and this almost had me in tears. So I am really wondering if this meeting is aiding me enough to keep doing it. I really won't need the money after February.

I have had ear infections lately due to an ear deformity I was born with. My hearing is diminished currently and there is a little pain. I think it has improved considerably though.

I go see my therapist tomorrow and my endo on Wednesday. I wonder if I have lost weight since my last visit in September.

There is a really good music program on the radio on Sunday on KCRW 89.9 f.m. at 12:00 p.m. Pacific standard time. They play a variety of music from around the world and it is always a pleasant surprise. You can hear it on the internet.

"Every day is a new life"

I am a bit sad today. I saw my mom over the weekend and she was depressed. Her partner's Father and Aunt died the same day. My mom will fly to the virgin islands on Thursday. My Mom asked me if I would really be willing to make myself look good on a job interview for the school district and she kind of blamed me for it not happening faster. She is super critical sometimes. She said I look tired. She said that I would not be suitable for a position opening up soon at her school. She seemed so gung ho about me applying for this job.

I went to the advisory board meeting on Saturday. I learned about some excellent things coming up in Project Return. They will be doing trainings for a job position called housing coordinator. This position will develop housing situations for the mentally ill. They will hire someone to do this at every clinic. I really have a passion about housing and would love to take the training and do this job. It is just in the works though.

Another great thing is this chorus that someone is setting up for members of project return. The chorus is set to appear at the Los Angeles County Holiday Performance Day this year. I will audition for it and see what happens. This teacher has the dream of travelling with the chorus and making a cd. I am very excited about this.

I saw an old friend play in a rock band today at a birthday party at the Victory Clubhouse. He sang and I really liked the lyrics.

Tomorrow I will get to pick up my new levels of meds that the dr. prescribed last Wednesday. I went to pick them up on Thursday and they told me that I couldn't pick them up because I had maxed out my medi-cal meds limit. That was depressing. I take six different drugs. On the way back home from the pharmacy I saw a lady picking and eating out of the garbage. I didn't like that. I felt that she probably is mentally ill or on drugs because she had a heart shaped shaved spot on the back of her head. Then there was this guy on the dash bus who thinks that he is elvis and started saying stupid things to these kids (in Spanish). "I don't have six eyes I only have two eyes." I felt like falling apart after they told me that I had overrun my flexible spending account.

I watched Oh brother where art thou again today. I had seen it years ago and I loved it and bought the soundtrack.