The Joy of Madness

I discovered a new website.

I found this website where you can have your short stories critiqued by other writers and also you review their work. You review 5 stories and then you get to have one story reviewed. It is with Zoetrope a company that makes movies and has a magazine for short fiction. I love the magazine. So I am excited about getting my work reviewed and possibly getting published later on.

My Step-mom got out of the hospital last Thursday. She had them use paddles on her heart a week ago and it worked. She is having a lot of asthma so I did not talk that long with her.

Yesterday I went shopping and out to lunch with my friend Wendy and we had a lot of fun. She showed me how you can get bargains at high end department stores if you just check the bargain racks. So Macy's was having a 50% off sale on certain things and 30% off of that. So I got a really pretty wine colored blouse with a shrug to wrap around and tie in front. The tank that goes underneath has little sparkely sequins. That came to $14. I also found a nice bath sheet for $7 and a $15 pair of Bass sandals. We ate lunch at a Chinese restaurant where we had the lunch special. It was a peaceful restaurant as opposed to the loud food court at the mall.

My ex-boyfriend returned from Virginia where he had been repairing his Dad's property. So I think we are going to meet at a Starbucks soon.

I applied to work at a residential camp for adults with develpmental disabilities in The San Bernadino Mountains. I have an interview tomorrow in Santa Monica. I am a little hesitant about going though. A little afraid. But right now no one is calling about the resumes I sent out so that may be the best thing to do. It is one wek long and pays $350. It is from July 15-22.

Just nod if you can hear me.

I went to the studio apartment last Monday and first off there was this big ol gangbanger on the second floor blasting out the song computer love. That was the first clue. The place was very tiny also. So no go on that 625 studio.

I am still trying to get funding to finish my B.A. in English. I am applying for community worker with county mental health. It pays 12.75 per hr. I have also sent out resumes to other places. I am not really having pain anymore. I am quite relieved.

I must call Texas to see how my step-mom is doing. My family is not staying in touch with me about her.

Victor snuck back in somehow. He just showed up one night with his stuff. He can't stay away. So I am trying to find a one bedroom we can move to. He was due to get mental health services at UCLA; but doesn't remember when the appointment is.

My friend has a psychiatrist through the hospital she gets day treatment at. She says he never wants to look at her in the eyes. He kind of holds up his hand to his forehead like she is too shiny and he is keeping off the glare. He also rubs his bald head a lot. Does this man need drugs? He does this behavior with all his patients apparently. I told her to get a new dr. and she says she bargained with him to give her clonipin. or is it klonipin? Anyway he has her on 5-6 meds. He never took her off some antidepressants that never worked for her. He just kept adding things. I think he is a quack. I told her to ask the day treatment staff to advocate for her because they observe her all the time and can tell the dr. that she is overly sedated. I have been there. You become so groggy on the drugs that you don't even know that you are in slow motion.

What do you do if you see a mom hitting their child in public? I saw a mom and probably the grandma hitting a girl who might have been two or three. The girl even started hitting them back. They were at the bus stop. I honestly felt helpless.

I went to the monthly meeting downtown today and sat through a long drawn out lesson on a forced treatment law being proposed in California. They assumed that we are against it. They did not really present the facts pro and con. They kept repeating that they stand for choice and voluntary treatment. They are trying to impose forced outpatient treatment. That is kind of what I gathered. I need to do more research on it. Some people at the california network of mental health clients spoke out in favor of the proposition stating that some people are in grave danger and are in denial about their need for treatment. To me that is obvious by looking at the homeless population in California. It is quite large here. I did not write postcards to lawmakers opposing the law. They asked everyone to do it. I know from personal experience that a tricky shot of Haldol in the rear end is the best medicine when someone won't take their medicine. I needed that. I haven't been around to see the Camarillos that my friends have seen where they put you in restraints and solitary confinement. I have a friend who was there and was in solitary a lot and won't go sit inside a movie theater because she has claustrophobia. I am happy that I never had to suffer through unwanted shock treatments. But knowing that there is this terrible dark history that is not that far gone does not make me think we should allow people to die on the cold streets of L.A. due to someone else requesting freedom. Suicide is a crime last I heard and the homeless are prone to violent crime and diseases that can lead to an early death.

Rio anyone?

The other day I was listening to a local morning radio program where they give away a trip a day. So you insert your name and if they call it you have 45 minutes to call in. So they called Colleen somebody or other and I was online and looked up her name and the city they said she lives in. I called her and got her machine. I left her a message to say she had won and to call the station. So a little while later she called and she chose a trip to Rio, Brazil. That was fun.

I had some bad news today. When I called my dad to say happy father's day he told me that my step-mom had knee surgery last Friday and is now having heart complications and has a blood clot in her lungs. This really saddens me and makes me realize I may never speak to her again. I realize how selfish I have been for a long time now by not calling more often and by focusing on myself and my own issues. I need to be more of an adult now. There in fact is a ceiling on life. I can no longer take the attitude of victim.

The dinner party for ups and downs (a club for mentally ill people) last Tuesday was cancelled because we didn't have time to prepare for it. We rescheduled for July 4. I want to get an ad up on meetup.com They have groups there related to your interests, beliefs, and issues that have meetings. You have to pay for space for advertisement though.

I saw Wendy, Fardin, Ron, and Annette this past week. They visited with me on different days so I have been busy.

I have sent my resume out to two jobs lately. I cannot guarantee that I will be successful even if I am hired because of the fatigue I have been experiencing. I am going to ask the Dr. if I can reduce my Lexapro or Lamictal. That might help. I learned that they are not hiring at the friendship line.

I am considering finishing my B.A. in English and then continuing on to get a masters in art therapy. They have a couple of programs in my area which makes it more approachable than training as an occupational therapy assistant. For the OTA I would have had to travel 1hr and 45 min by train to school twice a week.

I spoke with my mom about moving into a studio apartment and she thought that a studio would be too small for me. I found one nearby that is only $625 per month. That would be a huge relief on me financially. I am going to go view it this week.

Naproxen and Lexapro

Do these two drugs mix well? Now that I've been taking them simultaneously for about one month now I am beginning to think that they don't go together. Web MD says not to take them together because they both cause bleeding. So I am going to call the pharmacy tomorrow to ask. I have been feeling very sluggish since starting the Naproxen. It is another name for Alleve.

I went to my mom's retirement dinner and had a blast. I dressed very nice and got lots of compliments. I also read a poem I wrote for the occasion. I will print it at the end of this blog. My mom was thrilled with it and I got lots of compliments on it. My sister Marci flew in from Texas and my cousin Lori and good friend Tina were there. Tina is my Mom's adopted daughter. We met in a day treatment program. There was a live jazz quartet and after the presentations we danced to a live d.j. Some of us are going to get together soon to go do Salsa dancing. I had a very tasty filet mignon and some cheese cake for dessert.

Yesterday I hung out at my mom's pool with my family. My sister is a teacher and had to fly home today to teach summer school. We had In and Out hamburgers yesterday. They are a drive through hamburger place.

Victor is no longer living here. I'm really not supposed to have anyone living here who is not on the lease. But the truth of the matter is that he is in an episode and is not due to get help until the 26th I think.

I organized this party at a restaurant for Tuesday night but I am concerned that a check I deposited won't clear before then. So I may not be going.

My friend Wendy might come see me tomorrow because she will be in my neighborhood. We were supposed to have gotten together today to do some thrift shopping; but it didn't work out. She was too tired to deal with buses and I am too broke to get much use out of the $1 table.

My mom is not moving to Texas after all. My sister may need to relocate to another area so my mom might just by a four plex near my sister so that she can rent three and keep one as a part time place to stay in Texas.

Toward the end of the month I will get a check from work. I called the Friendship Line ( a local warm line for and by mental health consumers) to see if they are hiring and the guy told me to call the boss. So I will call tomorrow.

I am considering finding a roommate to share a two bedroom apartment. At the low end they start at $1,050 per month. That is a little iffy though. You never know if the person will be compatible with you or not. So my rent would be $525-$600 per month. I might not meet someone online. I might wait to go to a roommate social at the inedpendent living center that happens near the end of the month. Then I might stand the chance of meeting someone who is not judgemental.

This one friend of my mom who I saw at the retirement party was rather rude to me. She said almost the same stuff to me at Christmas which was the last time I saw her. She asked if I am working and I said no. Then she said well what are you doing then, going to school? I said no I am just trying to stay well. She said what is wrong and I explained ovarian pain. I said I was trying to get a surgery and she for what? I said to have them removed. Luckily she turned and started talking to someone else right about then. Rude as rude can be. She is not my favorite person.

This is what I wrote for my Mom.

F.A.W.; Resume

address: Anywhere my heart desires.

I am applying for the position of free bird.
I have always been interested in working for The Ticket to the World Company.
Some of my unique skills and experience which make me the ideal candidate for this position are:

Sailboat Captain,
Published Writer,
Costa Rican Butterfly Chaser,
Backyard Landscaper,
Railroad Engineer,
Amateur Crime Solver,
Craggy Mountain Horseback Rider,
Family Firefighter,
Channelor of the Spirit of Annie Oakley,
Descendant of Grape Pickers,
Therapist to the Multitudes,
Grandma to Many,
Passionate Educator,
Spanish Aficionado,
The Most Wanted Political Activist by The Nixon Government,
Ambassador to France,
Stand up Comedian,
And Astronaut to the planet Cut Up and Cut Loose.
Soon my goals will have no time restrictions.
No need to respond to bells.
I can purchase a one way ticket or a round trip ticket to anywhere on earth.

Time is endless.

Castles Made of Sand

And so Castles made of sand melt into the sea eventually.
Jimi Hendrix

I just love that song.

I am waiting for my groceries to be delivered. I went to see my dr. today for the last time. I will get a new dr. soon. I cleaned my house like crazy today because the delivery man brings the groceries all the way into the dining area.

I went to see Akeelah and The Bee last Thursday with my friend Wendy and we wound up in a clothing store. I found a great sale on a red velvet dress and she lent me the money to purchase it. I am going to my Mom's dinner on Friday night and wanted to look extra special. Then yesterday she invited me to her house to lend me some jewelry and a scarf to wear as a wrap around my shoulders. So I am prepared in that way; but still must buy shoes. My friend Annette is going downtown this week to buy shoes at the fashion mart and she invited me. I may buy some jewelry for my Mom too. I still haven't finished writing the speech for her dinner.

Victor is living here again. He is headed to truck driving school soon. I was hoping it would be today so that I could have some peace and write the speech. My Mom and I took Athena (Victor's daughter)out to dinner on Saturday night. Victor was ill. My apartment got really messy over the weekend.

I got a birth control patch called ortho evra to try to balance my hormones and then decrease my ovarian pain. Hopefully that will work out. The Gyno I was seeing said that by no means would medi-cal approve a surgery unless there was cancer or anemia.

I went to the advisory board meeting for my part time job on May 26th. It was a little hard to wake up early and also hard to see people that I hadn't seen in a while. But I will get paid. On June 12th we are meeting at a restaurant called Tequilas instead of having a meeting at night. That should be fun.

I am happy that people keep writing in to my blog.