The Joy of Madness

Heaven or Hell and back again...

Thanks so much for staying posted on my blog. I had to go into the hospital. It was because I went a little manic one night. On october 24 I went in and I just got out on Wednesday November 30. I went for a long walk the night of October 24 because I began losing sleep as I was quite concerned about my physical ilnesses. I began having paranoia and false ideas. So as I came back to my home I stopped at Denny's to rest because I needed my inhalers and I had become physically exhausted. I waited there until daylight and then continued coming home. I felt I was being followed so I stopped at Albertson's to go to the pharmacy and ask for assistance. I went to the pharmacy and told them that I had Tourret's, OCD, and that I needed some water and food. I was too scared to go back to my apartment although I was very close to home by that time. I felt a sense of panic because there had been the bank fraud and also major repairs needing to be made on my apartment so I felt very threatened about remaining here. I felt that the apartment manager should be fired because of the plumbing company that came to do a repair in my kitchen and then stole my check book and did the fraud. As you may or may not recall now I needed my kitchen sink repaired for a very long time and it was inoperable and unsanitary. The very plumbing company who sent the plumbers who did the fraud had to come back a few different times because they didn't do a sufficient job. The manager had the nerve to come tell me not to stop up the garbage disposal again because the plumbers took about 2 hours to finish the job. I guess this is a way of telling me that I had cost the managment company a lot of money. The problem lies with the management company also. They are making tons of profit off of me and all the other renters here and in their other buildings; but they are too cheap to make the required repairs. SO what happens is they make insufficient repairs and things continue to deteriorate.

So I will now tell you briefly about my hospital stay. I was sent from the local hospital very far from my home clsoe to LAX airport to Metropolitan Hospital in Hawthorne,CA. It is a notorious hospital for violations. How this materialized for me was that they were physically abusive in trying to coerce me into taking pills that I haven't been on for years. They tried to get me to take Risperidal, Seroquel, and Benadryl. I don't like any of them; but I was willing to take the Benadryl as I am used to taking that as a PRN. Seroquel was also being given to me at night. I found that even though I was taking heavily sedating drugs before bedtime and I was being given Risperidal in a quick release tab throughout the day before meals I still could not sleep more than 3 hours at night and then I would awaken and do a few things and go back to sleep. I realize that the Risperidal was probably a good idea; but I can't take that drug because it sedates me and I sleep during the day and it also messes up my digestion. So what I am thinking of doing is taking a low dose of Abilify now and seeing if maybe that is the magic answer. It is always the lesser of two evils and I have suffered all of the evils known to be the side effects of these drugs. Abilify seems to be tolerable in a low dose for me. I must maintain my exercise even on rainy or hot days though or I will gain weight again. I have a treadmill in my apartment that I bought because I don't enjoy working out on that at the gym. I do however believe that I could benefit from Yoga and possibly aqua aerobics or a dance class at the YMCA. (Young Men's Christian Association) They offer low cost memberships and I benefit more form these classes there than walking on the treadmill since I walk to the gym which is a mile and a half or so away from here. I could also utelize the weight bearing machines and possibly the Life Cycle. I don't like to ride the bicycle here in L.A. because of the hazard of riding in the busy streets. Many people ride on the sidewalk but this is not possible all of the time because there are so many earthquake damaged sidewalks that this is impossible. The sidewalks are often formed in a triangle over the tree roots and other spots too. I also need to maintain a healthy diet. The food in the hopsital, while mostly delicious; was off of my diet plan. I try to avoid pork and beef and ususally don't eat things with a lot of cream. I noticed that while I was in the hospital I kept falling asleep when I didn't want to and I believe this was partially due to the length between my meals. I have to have a lot of protein and so I eat small meals every three hours. Sometimes I eat a very small meal (a snack) within two hours of finishing my previous meal.

So on to bigger and better things now right? I will try to fill my calendar with exciting things to do for the holiday season and also with cultural events that I normally try to maintain a life full of. I took it easy yesterday and straightened and organized my apartment yesterday and also on Thursday. I rested some on Wednesday and also cleaned some then too. I took a long walk on Thursday (the long way home)so that I could traverse a street nearby that I find delightfully like Mexico. It has beautiful Spanish tile roofs on almost all of the homes on it (a suburban street) and it is resplendid with foliage that looks so well cared for and is quite beautiful. I walked to get three newspapers. I picked up The L.A. Weekly which is an entertainment weekly as well a a left leaning political paper and also I picked up the Hoy magazine which is another free newspaper you can pick up in a box nearby. Hoy is written in Spanish and is similar to the Los Angeles Times. I then went to a local mom and pop liquor store and purchased an Los Angeles Times in English. Thursday and Sunday L.A. TImes have excellent entertainment sections in them. They also have other nifty sections. The Hoy paper is geared toward the Mexican and Central American Immigrants living here in L.A. I like to keep abreasted of that news too.

Last night my Mom and I went to see a Christmas play that our good friend Tina was in. It was a modern take off on the traditional Christmas pageant but had some current political and technological undertones. A teenager was the star and he was a tradition Christmas cynic. He doesn't have the money to purchase nice gifts and hates the fact that there is usually no world peace at Christmas and that we only give to the homeless at Christmas and Thanksgiving. So throughout the play they have the traditional religious songs and also some caroling.

I am working myself up to going to a Christmas tree lighting ceremony across the street from my house in a large lot that two churches share. There will probably be singing, hot chocolate, and cookies.
I have asked a few people if they would like to go and no one wants to go; so I will probably go alone. I think it will be nice. This is the church that I usually go to when I drag myself in to celebrate God.

I am going to Walt Disney Music Hall near Christmas day to hear the Messiah concert with my Mom. Also there are a few meetings I would like to attend. One of those is the L.A. County Client Coalition which meets and has offices at The Department of Mental Health. They meet once a month and they report directly to the head honcho of Dmh (MArvin Southard). I have an earful to give them in the form of a letter. I want to make sure that nothing I report about the hospital violations is lost in translation. I also would like to join the local neighborhood council. I will attempt to attend a meeting soon. This is an advisory to mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. I want to got to the next poetry meeting of the group I have joined but have never attended.

I plan on taking a bit of my savings and investing it in classes at UCLA extension. University of Southern California offers courses open to the public at a per class rate which pertain to many artistic venues. I would like to take a course on disabilities, a course on writing and a course on some type of film production.

I wrote a new poem wich I will return soon to post here.