The Joy of Madness

Ay, The Apocolypse

Yeah that is all I hear about in my client's church. All hellfire and damnation. Such a turnoff. Yes the pastor says we will perish in the time of the second coming. Oh but the church will be spared. He never quite explained what the signs of the second coming are. At least not in a specific way. Yeah I'm a little jaded in this regard; but he has said the same thing for three weeks now. I am Bible illiterate and so it is not my idea of a good time. He doesn't believe in global warming. He thinks environmentalists need to find a new line of work. He says that the earth will die and so why even try to protect it. Either your down with Jesus or your not right. Torture city.

I went shopping for a gift for my nighbor for the $5 gift exchange we are having. We drew names. I got him some toiletries that are travel size. I know that is kind of a lame gift; but what can you buy for five bucks these days. I bought a nice scarf and a pair of earrings and I can't decide which one to give a good friend that I will be seeing on Christmas. I might ask whether she wears small earrings or large ones.

So last week a neighbor who has become a good friend came by to say hi and I invited her to dinner. She was feeling really down. I love to cook for people because that makes them happy. I made italian breaded baked chicken, asparagus with garlic and rice. Then we had a little banana bread that I had made. We had such a warm time and I made both my roommate and my good friend happy. I was cheered up too.

I went to this store called Big Lots and bought a bunch of ridiculous stuff. I got some thick soft socks that are really supposed to be house socks; but I am wearing them with my shoes.

Last Thursday I met a friend at the dollar tree and we bought a few things for Christmas decorations. That was fun. I got a cd of music to relax to and glitter glue in red, green, and red. I was thinking of decorating some jars in that stuff and filling the jars with cookies or whatever. I have been doing a lot of shopping lately and will only have $200 until the 28th. Then I get paid again.

The other day I went to Pier One and got some delicous smelling incense. I bought two packs. Then I went to a drug store and got a beautiful hair clip with white and powder blue rinestones. I also went to a really great grocery store that is not in my neighborhood and got some healthy food. I also bought some dark chocolate covered espresso beans and some espresso coffee. Yum Yum!

I decided to go back to my therapist although I disagreed with her alliance with the staff at this independent living program about the methods used to do the recent urinanalysis. She gave me a reccomendation to try to hold off on meeting new men until after the holidays because I am too sensitive right now due to the holidays. And you know what that is an excellent idea.

Right now I am listening to a Christmas cd called World Christmas. It has typical Chirstmas carols in languages other than English or different styles than we are used to hearing. I am sitting with a sun lamp staring me in the face so that maybe I will get some more energy. I have been sleeping a good 11 hours a night. I wake up and it still takes me three big cups of espresso to come out of the medical induced coma. I hope that as I taper off of some of my Abilify that I won't appear to be in a stupor anymore.

On the way to church on yesterday the van stopped to pick a mother and her two chidren and I sat next to her daughter. The little girl was probably three or four and was cute as a button. She has down syndrome and isn't verbal yet. We were communicating though. She pointed to my wrap and I said yeah it is soft isn't it. She nodded. Then I lifted my scarf so she could feel it and she loved it and held it to her face to feel it. She looked like she wanted to sleep with it on her. I told her I liked her shoes and she wanted to look at mine. I held up my foot for her to see. Then when it was time for my client and I to get out I patted her shoulder and told her to have a good day. She waved goodbye to me. That really was a nice experience.

I kind of want to buy a new camera so that I can take a photo class; but the one I need is $400. See they reccomend a digital camera with single lense reflex. So when I get my renters rebate I will have $300. I got a Christmas bonus from work which was a $50 American Express gift certificate and a gift card to Albertson's grocery store as well as a gift card for Target. Wow I hadn't expected that! So anyhow if I only have to spend $50 of my own cash to get a nice camera I'd be thrilled.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house...

Yesterday my roomate and I received a small miracle. We were at our regular Tuesday meeting inside the community room (since it was cold and windy)and there was a Christmas tree sitting there which was taking up too much space. So they were discussing whether to put it outside or whatever and I said I'd take it. So low and behold no one else wanted it so my roomate have a $70 Christmas tree in the window in our living room. Then a neighbor came over and gave us a whole bunch of ornaments and lights that someone had left in his apartment. He even brought over a star that lights up for the top. It is funny how a small thing can bring so much excitement.

I went to work Saturday and my client sent me to the market to buy her some cleaning products. So when I came back I did a whole lot of cleaning. That morning I did her laundry. On Sunday we had quite an adventure at her church. She uses a wheelchair and we are driven by a paratransit van to and from places. Well the van home didn't find us and we were stranded at her church. She was very pissed off and told them that she wouldn't wait two more hours for another van to come for us. She told them that she would find another way home. The only thing was that she didn't have that impression after she hung up with them. She thought that they would be there at three. Anyway we waited then I finally called and they said she had cancelled the van. So I pushed her until we reached a place where she could eat. Then we caught two buses home. All total we took two hours getting back to her house. But as soon as we walked into her house it was five and it was time for me to go home.

Guess what I am so stoked. I actually was given a grant to go to UCLA extension this winter. I think my class starts in the beginning of January. It is a class in Screenwriting. Wow I really can't wait. I have to look up the class to see what time it meets.

I am going to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas day with a friend who doesn't have any family to spend Christmas with. She displayed interest in going to the Holiday performance downtown at the theater center. It is on Christmas Eve. On the day of Christmas we will go eat somewhere.

I went to borders books and got a book with designs in it to help me make crafts and art. I also bought a book on earth angels by Doreen Virtue and a really cute pink journal which is spiral bound. I think it helps me to have a pretty journal to write in.

My next movie to watch is Mad Hot Ballroom. I will probably watch it today and make enchiladas.

Take it easy or not at all.

Petunia Pickle Bottom

That is the name of a designer which is on the red silk Japanese print backpack I bought recently. It is so pretty! The designer name reminds me of a children's book title.

I am disallusioned today for some reason. I find myslfe quite sad. I know one factor is that my mom univited me for New Years Eve. She said I should come the weekend that my sisters will be off work in January. I don't have the time or the energy to go there for three days. Also, I work on the weekends. She is not taking this into consideration. She wrote me last Wednesday and I have not nor will I respond to her. It is such a slight that I won't bother with it. She also mentioned that she would only pay for half of the plane ticket and I can't afford to pay half. Screw her! I am actually very angry today. I guess it started after there wasn't enough hot water to wash my hair in my shower. Oh poor me right? But it was all down hill from there.

I feel ripped off in terms of my family. They are inaccessable. Every night I cry myself to sleep. I am torn apart. I see my dr. tomorrow and she will boost my Lexapro I am sure. The thing is she can't fix my life. I don't want to see my therapist anymore because she really did not go to bat for me about the incident where they told us that we must pee in front of them. Insanity rules this situation I live in. I feel kind of powerless.

I went to UCLA on Friday in a downpour to apply for the grant I need to be able to study at their extension. I chose screenwriting and I also chose photography as an alternative. I would have to put out some money for photography since my camera was stolen and I need to have a manually focusing camera to take the class. It includes darkroom work. I have taken photography in the past and I am very good at it. One time I had an assignment to shoot movement and one photo I shot was of a cigarette flushing down a toilet.

I guess I will go soak in the bathtub now.