Friends will be Friends
Nobody can truly know what you're going through unless they go through it themselves. And nobody can struggle with mental illness in the family without support. This, in my opinion, is the fundamental flaw with the psychiatry system.
Darling and I are now involved with a psychiatrist who is #1) young, #2) inexperienced, and #3) temperamental - a bad thing to be when you're working with unstable people! Parents on the other hand, although they do try to help, cannot hope to understand unless they themselves have been involved in the same thing. My parents have been particularly unhelpful of late, and especially so when there's a relapse. They simply fail to understand why I would want to stay with a mentally unstable man - for which I don't really feel I can blame them.
So who do you turn to for the emotional support and encouragement you need? There is nothing better than a friend who's going through the exact things you do. The advantage of such a friend is that the person will never give you advice that is condescending or non-relevant.
Of course those who do give such advice (including parents and doctors) do so with the best intentions in the world. And sometimes support from these people is absolutely invaluable.
What I am saying is that it is necessary to supplement family and professional support with friendship.
To know you're not alone is perhaps the most vital knowledge in any struggle - whether for life or for sanity. I found a friend in an Internet support group focusing on mental illness. If it were not for her, I can honestly not say that I would be here, and relatively sane, and able to help Darling.
No person supports, understands and helps like a friend.
Posted by cathi at February 26, 2004 08:08 AM
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Dear Cathy,
You speak with so much of wisdom. How true that support is essential for the struggle with mental illness!
When my daughter was diagnosed with Schizophrenia eight years ago, she was twenty years old, my world collapsed. Had it not been for the support and friendship of my father's dear friend I doubt we could have made it so far.
Best wishes,
Survivor
Posted by: survivor at February 26, 2004 05:55 PM
I also have married a man who has schiophrenia. It has NOT been easy!! We have been married for almost 16 years now and this morning was NOT an easy one!! But it got better! :) Thank goodness I found out about Silent Storm!! Parents mean well; his parents are elderly and my mom does not want to understand!! My dad is supportive. Sometimes I don't blame her! What internet group did you find that helps? E-mail me so I can vent with people who WILL understand when I need to vent!! You made my day!! Thank you!!
Posted by: Rhonda Mathistad at February 26, 2004 06:49 PM
Oh gosh,
What high praise. Thank you Survivor and Rhonda. I must say I don't feel very wise right now. It's very difficult for me to keep calm when the storm hits. We've been having a difficult day.
But thank you for your comments; they mean the world.
Cathi
Posted by: Cathi at February 26, 2004 07:35 PM
Thank you very much for putting those words on paper. This BLOG made me cry. Cry because finally, I am able to "speak" with others that understand what we are going through! {{{{HUGS)))
Posted by: OhMeOhMy at March 9, 2004 11:10 AM
You are so welcome! E-mail me if you need a shoulder or an ear. I'm very glad to be of assistance. I've been so blessed since I started this blog. Thank you also.
Cathi
Posted by: Cathi at March 10, 2004 07:21 PM
hey I just wanted to say that I just divorced my husband because of his schiophrenia. It was so out of control. He was diognosed with it while he was in prision. I tried to stay with him bc i loved him but he pulled a knife on his brother one night while he was drunk ( which was every night of the week ) I let it go till he pulled a knife on me. That's when I knew i had to leave him or It's my life. and he was NOT reciving help his mom knows he has it, one time his mother took him to an instution and he told her if you don't get me out of here I will never speak to you again she signed him out the next day. he needs help bad He refused to get help so I Divorced him.
I didn't know what else to do maybe oh one more thing bout the knife incident w/ his brother his mom knew bout it and let it go like oh it's ok son
i didn't agree with the way she babied him He is a felon in texas and he wanted me to buy him a gun. I was like NO WAY!! Later i was talking privatly to a friend of his since childhood and they told me that if i bought him a gun he would of used it on someone at a club that set him off which dosen't take much to set him off. I did everything to stay but i couldn't do it anymore.
His mom hates me. Blames me for everything that has happened to him since I left him, and I know it's not my fault but I also know he didn't ask for schiophrenia noone does it just happens. and I believe when he dies God won't judge him bc having schiophrenia wasn't his fault. thanks so much it feels good to get that out.
Regan
Posted by: Regan at August 22, 2004 05:50 AM
my husband has had this for five years Ihave a ten year old dauther he does not believe he has this he thinks he is hypnotized he has been arrested three times for bothering people that he thinks have him hypnotized he screams and yells day and night he thinks these people can hear him Icant stand this much longer either can my little girl
Posted by: angel at February 17, 2006 02:04 PM
i am 13 and i'm thinking about doing a report on abnormal psychocolgy, and this topic interests me. with respect, could you please help me to understand what Schiophrenia is?
Posted by: lizzie at March 22, 2006 03:54 PM
I myself have been dealing with Schiophrenia for over twenty years now. Beleive me I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But by taking the medication that my Dr. has prescribed I have been able to cope quite well except for few rough times along the way. Mostly when I ran out of my medication. You see the medication that is prescribed only will stay in your system for a short time. How short depends on the type used. I've developed a healthy respect for what my med does for me and how I feel. To prevent any other "Rough times" I take my med religiously. I know that living with some one with Schiophrenia is not easy. Mood swings, odd behavior, and at times deep and sometimes dangerous depressive episodes. But things work out if your willing to face the fact that you do have a problem but there is help and hope and by all means stay on your medication.
I struggle every day just to feel and I question my very thoughts. I know that someone who is associated with a Schiophrenic has a hard time but you should really try to see it from the other side of the darkness like we have to. Its not easy either way.
Thanks for listening,
Joe
Posted by: Joe at June 7, 2006 09:28 AM
I've been maried 2 a person who has schio.Life is realy tough with him,of late it became more tough ven he turnd violent & startd beatin me,abusing me & told me 2 leave his house.I pleaded & literaly beged him for leting me stay with him.I told him treat me like a beger bt let me stay with u bt ruthlesly he threw me out.Nowadays i am at my mumy's place.Plz pray.
Posted by: Riya at July 2, 2006 03:30 AM
Dear Cathy,
You speak with so much of wisdom. How true that support is essential for the struggle with mental illness!
When my daughter was diagnosed with Schizophrenia eight years ago, she was twenty years old, my world collapsed. Had it not been for the support and friendship of my father's dear friend I doubt we could have made it so far.
Best wishes,
Survivor
Posted by: survivor at February 26, 2004 05:55 PM
I also have married a man who has schiophrenia. It has NOT been easy!! We have been married for almost 16 years now and this morning was NOT an easy one!! But it got better! :) Thank goodness I found out about Silent Storm!! Parents mean well; his parents are elderly and my mom does not want to understand!! My dad is supportive. Sometimes I don't blame her! What internet group did you find that helps? E-mail me so I can vent with people who WILL understand when I need to vent!! You made my day!! Thank you!!
Posted by: Rhonda Mathistad at February 26, 2004 06:49 PM
Oh gosh,
What high praise. Thank you Survivor and Rhonda. I must say I don't feel very wise right now. It's very difficult for me to keep calm when the storm hits. We've been having a difficult day.
But thank you for your comments; they mean the world.
Cathi
Posted by: Cathi at February 26, 2004 07:35 PM
Thank you very much for putting those words on paper. This BLOG made me cry. Cry because finally, I am able to "speak" with others that understand what we are going through! {{{{HUGS)))
Posted by: OhMeOhMy at March 9, 2004 11:10 AM
You are so welcome! E-mail me if you need a shoulder or an ear. I'm very glad to be of assistance. I've been so blessed since I started this blog. Thank you also.
Cathi
Posted by: Cathi at March 10, 2004 07:21 PM
hey I just wanted to say that I just divorced my husband because of his schiophrenia. It was so out of control. He was diognosed with it while he was in prision. I tried to stay with him bc i loved him but he pulled a knife on his brother one night while he was drunk ( which was every night of the week ) I let it go till he pulled a knife on me. That's when I knew i had to leave him or It's my life. and he was NOT reciving help his mom knows he has it, one time his mother took him to an instution and he told her if you don't get me out of here I will never speak to you again she signed him out the next day. he needs help bad He refused to get help so I Divorced him.
I didn't know what else to do maybe oh one more thing bout the knife incident w/ his brother his mom knew bout it and let it go like oh it's ok son
i didn't agree with the way she babied him He is a felon in texas and he wanted me to buy him a gun. I was like NO WAY!! Later i was talking privatly to a friend of his since childhood and they told me that if i bought him a gun he would of used it on someone at a club that set him off which dosen't take much to set him off. I did everything to stay but i couldn't do it anymore.
His mom hates me. Blames me for everything that has happened to him since I left him, and I know it's not my fault but I also know he didn't ask for schiophrenia noone does it just happens. and I believe when he dies God won't judge him bc having schiophrenia wasn't his fault. thanks so much it feels good to get that out.
Regan
Posted by: Regan at August 22, 2004 05:50 AM
my husband has had this for five years Ihave a ten year old dauther he does not believe he has this he thinks he is hypnotized he has been arrested three times for bothering people that he thinks have him hypnotized he screams and yells day and night he thinks these people can hear him Icant stand this much longer either can my little girl
Posted by: angel at February 17, 2006 02:04 PM
i am 13 and i'm thinking about doing a report on abnormal psychocolgy, and this topic interests me. with respect, could you please help me to understand what Schiophrenia is?
Posted by: lizzie at March 22, 2006 03:54 PM
I myself have been dealing with Schiophrenia for over twenty years now. Beleive me I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But by taking the medication that my Dr. has prescribed I have been able to cope quite well except for few rough times along the way. Mostly when I ran out of my medication. You see the medication that is prescribed only will stay in your system for a short time. How short depends on the type used. I've developed a healthy respect for what my med does for me and how I feel. To prevent any other "Rough times" I take my med religiously. I know that living with some one with Schiophrenia is not easy. Mood swings, odd behavior, and at times deep and sometimes dangerous depressive episodes. But things work out if your willing to face the fact that you do have a problem but there is help and hope and by all means stay on your medication.
I struggle every day just to feel and I question my very thoughts. I know that someone who is associated with a Schiophrenic has a hard time but you should really try to see it from the other side of the darkness like we have to. Its not easy either way.
Thanks for listening,
Joe
Posted by: Joe at June 7, 2006 09:28 AM
I've been maried 2 a person who has schio.Life is realy tough with him,of late it became more tough ven he turnd violent & startd beatin me,abusing me & told me 2 leave his house.I pleaded & literaly beged him for leting me stay with him.I told him treat me like a beger bt let me stay with u bt ruthlesly he threw me out.Nowadays i am at my mumy's place.Plz pray.
Posted by: Riya at July 2, 2006 03:30 AM