Silent Storms

Addicted?

Things are better! Darling has taken a turn for the better just as I thought things were at their worst. This frequently happens.

Now I have to make very little effort to be happy.

The amount of emotional investment I have in this man is frightening. It gives him a great deal of power over me. Yet I stay. Willingly. I have the means to leave. But I do not.

So am I addicted? I think so.

Addiction is a hard thing to admit. Admitting to the devastating effect this has on your life is even harder. But as any pop-psychologist would say: this is the first step towards healing.

Healing for me does not entail leaving Darling. That is still unthinkable. But I do have to find a way to separate my emotions from his outbursts. Only then can I properly support him.

I think I've said before that I need to be healthy in order to be any use. Well, today I'm healthy again for the first time in very long. I need to look at my emotional health as well.

I'm rather good at giving advice, but not so good at following my own sage wisdom. This day then is a commitment to the new, healthy, emotionally stable me. Only then can I give any thought to a future with a man I'm obviously too hung up on to let go.

The last two blogs have been very personal. Hopefully next week I can dredge something universally useful from this.

Be well, all. Be well, self.

Posted by cathi at May 18, 2004 07:15 AM | TrackBack