A Daughter's Story

Dad's behavior contributed to my hospitalization

Good day to everyone, family members, those with the challenge of schizophrenia, those who are caretakers and those with general interest: It is good to be back and able to contribute once again. Despite my busy life as a university student, I am going to devote some time today to share some news with you.

I have been hospitalized since February 7th due to some outside stressors in my life. Recently, I lost my scholarship and grant monies due to my not being able to complete some coursework from the previous semester, also the neighborhood that I reside in is full of death dealing drug plaguing and I am tired of that. My neighborhood is full of negative persons who have recently accused me of something that I would never do to a young teenager, just because of my caring for him with genuine love from my heart. I love this person like a son and to be accused of someting so degrading is deplorable. I must remove myself and the sooner, the better. In the meantime, I must continue to work on my papers that are due for my professors because my education from the university, my poetry, my relationship with the most high personage (Creator) of the universe, my music, candles, teddy bears, dolls, art and photography are the most important things in my life.

The persons that I live around are on a different page and are consumed by drugs, alcohol and whatever else. That is their choice. We all have choices in life. I am a survivor and will continue to be. Bear in mine, that I am very busy in my life and I am trying to journal on this site at least once a week. I have my own poetry and fiction website, I assist persons on the mental health sanctury, I am trying to get my poetry in a book form, and I belong to several poetry and writing organizations. I cannot give everyone all of my time. I have to take care of me first. I have learned that from my hospitalization. Ten days where I had no access to a computer or cell phone, I felt like my rights were stripped. This is what I want to share with all of you in the next paragraph.

I am medically compliant with my medications for BiPolar Disorder Type I. I am seldom hospitalized.

MY FATHER, WHO HAS PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA, HAS BEEN FOLLOWING ME AROUND TOWN PRIOR TO MY HOSPITALIZATION, ACTING LIKE HE IS A SPRING CHICKEN, WITH A YOUNG LOVE IN HIS LIFE, IS NOT MEDICALLY COMPLIANT AT ALL AND HAS NOT BEEN FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS. HE DOES NOT WANT THE ABILIFY OR ARICEPT AND YET HE NEEDS TO BE HOSPITALIZED. I HAVE LET HIM UPSET ME TO THE POINT WHERE I LOST 7,000 OF MY OWN MONEY THAT THE UNIVERSITY HAD GIVEN ME IN JANUARY. I HAD TO RETURN IT BECAUSE OF THE AGGRAVATION AND AGITATION THAT MY FATHER HAD CREATED FOR ME. HE DOES NOT DO THIS TO MY OTHER SIBLINGS. GUESS WHAT? IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. TO ME 7,000 IS A LOT OF MONEY TO LOSE, I AM A UNIVERSITY STUDENT WHO IS DISABLED AND I AM STRIVING FOR MY BA IN PSYCHOLOGY AND MFA IN CREATIVE WRITING. I WANT TO HELP CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER TO BECOME CREATIVE AND EXPRESS THEMSELVES TRROUGH THEIR TALENTS AND TO REALIZE THAT THEY, CAN LIVE WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER.

I LOST THE GRANTS AND SCHOLARSHIPS AS WELL. NOW I WILL HAVE TO PUT MY POETRY ON TAPES AND TRY TO MAKE MONEY FROM THAT. SOMETHING WILL WORK OUT, MY HEAVENLY FATHER WILL NOT SEE ME SUFFER, I AM A GOOD PERSON WHO HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A CARETAKER AND LOOKED AFTER OTHERS, NO MORE. I AM NUMBER ONE AND SHORT ON MONEY, YET I AM A SURVIVOR.

For those of you with family members with schizophrenia, please if they do not want to take their medications faithfully, DO NOT LET THEM INTERFERE WITH YOUR LIFE, THEY HAVE MADE THEIR CHOICE, YOU CAN MAKE YOURS. I HAVE LEARN THIS $7,000 LESSON AND IT DOES HURT AND LIFE DOES GO ON. Until next time, please take care of yourselves. For those of you with schizophrenia who do take your medications, PLEASE CONTINUE TO DO SO, REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU TRULY FEEL, KEEP YOUR APPOINTMENTS UP AND IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO GIVE UP ON LIFE, GO TO THE NEAREST PLACE OR CALL FOR HELP. This is a wonderful website. Please continue to cherish and appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Dauhterfirstborn(47)
(who truly loves her
father, must cut the
apron strings)

Posted by sharon at February 19, 2005 03:13 PM