A Mother in India

My birthday

I turned forty nine on the third of September. I had planned to do a lot of things that morning - have an oil bath, browse in a book shop, get a pedicure and so on. However after the oil bath I fell asleep. I slept soundly till the evening. I was aware of my daughter peering in but she did not wake me up. In the evening a dear friend came home with her husband and gave me four cards and a painting as a gift. I felt so happy.
Later in the night we went to a pub in a mall. My daughter accompanied us. She normally does not go out in the nights. She wanted to come with us. At the pub, I was a little apprehensive because I thought that it would be stimulating - the loud music, the dark corners and the shadows on the walls.
However I enjoyed that night- the music, the tingling vodka, peach schnapps with Sprite, the Caesar salad, the banno kebabs and most of all - seeing my daughter sitting in front of me smiling. I felt blessed for it was after such a long time that she could come out late in the night without being troubled by the 'eyes staring at her' or the 'slowing of movements' which follows the evening medication.
There was a tinge of sorrow because my mother and father had not called me that day. Perhaps it was because I had responded to them angrily the previous night. I dont think I'll ever know the truth for whenever we meet it is more important for them to talk, not to listen or understand. However nothing could take away the joy I felt that evening. We came home late. My daughter had no trouble falling asleep and she was fine the next day.
I was nineteen years old when my daughter was born. She was an unusually beautiful baby. I was forty when schizophrenia entered our lives. What gave me pleasure then, no longer brings me joy now. And what I could never have imagined then, brings me happiness today.
Thank you for your comments
Dear Moeder,
It is so strange. You are oceans away, yet you understand so well my anger and sorrow. God be with you, dear mother.
Dear Nick,
I wonder why it is so difficult to make them understand. God must be having his own reasons. My prayers are with you and your wife.