My life's Adventure

I worked a week. I even used my flex time this week.

I did leave work half an hour early on Wednesday and then worked an extra half hour yesterday. I did manage to go the camping store and did also manage to not spend too much. I did not buy things I did not need but was tempted to buy extras. I did buy a small coffee percolator. I also bought some camping food and stove fuel. But that was it for shopping. I paid the rent and managed to buy passport photos for under 15$. I then attended WRAP training and that went well. I slept on time Wednesday night.

Yesterday I worked well. After work I met a friend at the airport. He is staying with us while he attends a conference. He is an old family friend. I have not seen him since the early 1970s. So last night we had a lot of talking to do but I woke up on time for work today. It is Friday and I am up early enough to have some quiet time before work.

Looking at buying computer stuff but instead buying camping stuff and paying bills

I am still trying not to buy stuff. I just spent about twenty minutes surfing the web site of a local computer store realising they have very good prices for hard drives. I will be planning on buying there but must pay credit and some rent is due today. I will now surf the camping store web site. I am going to the camping store after work then paying the rent, then getting some passport photos then attending WRAP training. So I have a busy day after work and I will go in early and ask my boss if I can leave early today. That means I have to leave for work in half an hour.

Two more days of work done.

I worked Monday and Tuesday. I did not sleep Monday night. Yesterday was bad I was very tired and slept as soon as I got home from work. I did good work though. I had my year end review and am doing fine at work. I am scheduled for an interview next week for a promotion. I am studying up for this interview. I need to study law for this interview so am doing that. I also continue to apply for other government jobs. I am working today, Thursday and Friday and then we have Queen Victoria day on Monday off work. I am going bike camping this weekend and will be buying stove fuel after work today.

My computers are running fine again

I was able to get my computer working again. I am tired and I took my pills but am staying up to watch hockey. I am cheering a team on.

I moved my laptop location in our living room.

I slept at about 7:30 PM last night while the hockey game started. I woke up about 11 hours later. I slept on the couch because my wife was watching a movie in the bedroom. She had a fairly down day being disappointed with her sister and her interrelations with family. I am up ready to study some more. I have been picking up some garbage around here and sort of cleaning this weekend. My wife did some laundry and my jeans are washed. I have a new pair of blue jeans rather than black jeans. I had worn jeans and running shoes at work a couple of days this past week.

I moved the laptop to right in front of the big screen TV and put it on a chair and have comfortable chair to sit in and work on the laptop.

I followed up on my academic goals so far this weekend.

On Friday morning I wrote that I would do academic reading and writing this weekend and have so far since getting home from work on Friday done a fair amount of reading. I read about half of a journal article that I found referenced in a book. I have two other journal articles to read that I found cited in this book.

Also this morning I took a basic library search tutorial on the web and practiced it right away combined with another goal in my school work and that succeeded for now. But now having been up about 26 hours I am not attending to much more school work until after I sleep. I have other reading I need to do another writing.

The sky is about to fall pitch to keep us in line.

I wanted to comment that the idea that the sky is about to fall because of our mental illness reaching new heights of pain is only a good tool. It is not the main focus of a patient centred recovery. I am not taking a pill to stay away from crisis.

What happened with my mind Thursday.

I wanted to touch on a bad state of mind unique to me and others possible with the label schizophrenia. Perhaps too those who identify as manic may identify or those with insomnia may also find something in what I will write that speaks to them.

I was up all night Wednesday doing too much. But that is only the concrete, the facts, as it were, in the physical world of writing volunteer reports, reading and writing the WRAP plan, scheduling my work etc.. This was the bread and butter, bread and roses aspect of staying up over night. I got a lot done and managed a fair amount at work too. I profited from the long hours and I think if I did not have some positive results I would not do that. That's basic self interest economic theory.

In fact, though my mental state at the time was absolute insanity. I was putting myself down with my own monologue of thoughts. I was swearing to myself all day at work. This seemed like entertainment to me as I did it. All the swearing became directed inward. I was also not as effective at work as I should have been.

So yes long hours have their positive and negative sides. My condition in life is to be a tired never sleep every 16 hours kind of person. I am a 24 hour person. I am largely driven by inspired reading and knowledge seeking behaviour when I do this.

But enough is enough and I am putting on the brakes more before this sleep crisis kills me. It is not the sleep alone but the constant effort to be productive. I need to leave more time I am learning with the WRAP concept to help avert the crisis that could hit. Because all the time I was up past 24 hours I was worried I would be found out and criticised.

No pictures here.

Pictures are wonderful. I just bought my wife a birth mother a digital photo frame for mother's day. I spent most of grade thirteen library time reading the Time Life Series on photography back in the mid 1970's. I have a digital camera and was trying to afford a digital SLR and buying one of these is still a daily thought. And in fact, last night at the school library I was searching out photojournalism books. I was not searching for books in this subject with more pictures but I was searching for academic writing on photojournalism.

But this blog is anonymous so I do not post pictures here. I am just responding to the latest comment from a reader who asked why I did not post pictures. I hope he can realise I am not here for personal fame or sharing who I am in any identifying way.

Rested and ready for Friday.

I slept at about 3:00 PM yesterday. I woke up at about 4:00 AM this morning. I just checked email and facebook. I am going to read my WRAP plan now and also get some studies done before work this morning. I have some journal articles to read this morning and weekend and should set a goal of doing my studies this weekend.

I am staying up all night to get studies, volunteer duties, extra work and computer maintenance tasks completed

I always set lofty goals and too high a workload and this stuff never gets all done. But this evening I have done studies. I have trained in WRAP. I have done some computer maintenance tasks. I have also almost completed some volunteer reports. I may nap but I am just drinking my first over night pot of coffee and feel quite awake and aware. I also have started to check out my tent for my bike trip. The tent is fine. I need to read my WRAP plan too ad relax with that a bit this evening.

One of my computers is breaking down and so an effort is being made to back up the important files in case the computer totally fails.

My computer has a DVD stuck in it and the file browser will not work. I am remotely copying files off it now. It is my main machine for documents, email, pictures and music. Since it is a Motorola CPU Macintosh it will run old Mac software. I hope I can save it by taking files off. This gives me a great idea to save it. I won't write that here.

I am just heading out to WRAP training for the evening

I think this is our 6th week of WRAP training. I am bringing small juice pacs for everyone to drink. I am just relaxing with my WRAP workbook and reviewing it. I missed last week's session.

I worked all day on spreadsheets. I am kind of missing hockey on TV but there should be some more playoff games this Thursday. I am kind of cheering for the Flyers but could easily switch to Detroit. Someone we will call him D was a big Detroit fan and he worked at the drop in the early 1990's. He was not a consumer but did have poverty and substance abuse issues. I have not seen him in years and I wonder how he is.

I am up for work again on time.

I slept three days with normal hours. This is getting good.

I worked again today and attended the workplace disability committee meeting for this month.

Work was single focus today. I worked on a bibliography and had it completed in first draft by the end of the day. There were other tasks but I did not get to them.

I attended the monthly disability committee meeting and will be learning some sign language this evening on the Internet.

I am up on time for work once more.

I worked yesterday and will work four more days this week. I am waiting patiently for an interview at work for a promotion. I am not sure how much of a promotion it will be. This uncertainty is bad for those of us with schizophrenia. I am also having to deal with the frustrations of an uncertain pay check from my web mastering work. The cheque is now two days late from what was promised. Perhaps the insane can really not run a business?

I am reading today and have some online experiment to participate in later today.

I am not playing much computer games this weekend. I mean less than last weekend. The time I spent in Eve Online last night was only about two hours and only about two hours on Friday. Yesterday I played Second Life for about an hour and a half. Today I will participate in an experiment by a researcher who is researching Second Life. I am limiting my Eve Online time and showing some self control.

I am reading some work I brought home and some Harry Potter. I also intend to read some school work and am just checking my marks for the winter term. The professor told me I scored A so that is good.

Loosening up the purse strings and buying stuff.

I have also been home on the computer and just made my wife a CD with songs from iTunes. I spent about 5 dollars for the songs. I also put some of her songs on the CD. We recorded her in the late 1990's.

Speaking of music I am getting more into making music and have bought a little 10 channel mixer for two microphones and instruments. I also have a power amp and speakers so have a nice modest PA now. Well actually I have two PA systems. I am now waiting for the mixer to be shipped from the USA. So this is something I did not really need to buy unless you consider making music a need. I also was in a music store today trying out a Fender Jazz bass Squier series made in Mexico. It has some very nice frets and sound and would be an upgrade from my music master vintage 1973 short scale old beater. It has much cleaner sound . I would have to pay 20$ by Tuesday and also then pay 305$plus tax within two weeks. This is also a sort of want rather than a need.

We bought about 200$ worth of food. We paid the rent. I am talking about these details because I have a new budgeting book that I record expenses in. Usually I only record transactions and debits. Now I am writing down what categories all these transactions belong in. I was given the budget book by the local non-profit credit counselling office at an appointment I had there a little more than a week ago. I tried to save up for some travels and gifts but was not able too.

A day of volunteering and psychology self help with art in Second Life

I am doing some volunteering in law enforcement and that is going well. I can not give any details. I also logged into Second Life and joined an art therapist and made a picture. I used a photo of myself and then turned it into a black and white photo and then drew brush strokes on it to give a self expressive mood. I used GIMP software to do this.

I worked almost a full week

I worked the whole week except that I took some time off for May day. I attended an anarchist info shop opening and attended a meeting of technologists concerned with non-profit work on May day.