State of Mind

Facing the demons

It�s like facing my demons, shouting back at them inside my head, again, forever�That fear, I have to face, to stand up against them, to let them know, to make them see (my parents�them, those who are trying to bring us all down, bring down the world), to tell them that I am the One, I�m am the chosen one to destroy them all, to challenge my own enemies, to challenge my own fear, to challenge my own danger�that is how I feel when I try to maintain this cleaving relationship, try to comprehend the axe, trying to contemplate its razor edge.

To face my fears, that they will know it all, they will know that I�m the One, they will know that I know what they are here for, and they will know that I�m here to bring them down, before they try to bring me down, bring us all down�I hear it, over and over again���you can�t bring me, bring me down�� by limp bizkit. The sound comes from within my head. That I know.

I have to stand up to them, all of them. It�s no more a game of observing, trying to estimate the gravity of the danger that they pose, no more a game of listening, and not replying back, for the fear that they might find out, it�s no more a game�of life and death, the nothingness that hath crowned its glory, That will Never BE. So I stand up to make sure that I don�t let them mock, not wanting to, but still they do, for they are still in search, for the truth�That they will never know, that fear doesn�t haunt me anymore, no more, not until I let it happen again, let it begin all again, and it gives me strength, great strength, strength to stand up and reply, reply back, face them, face my own truth, face my own dangers�

I still fear, fear of what might happen, fear that I will lose, lose myself, again�that is what I fear, now, that is all I fear. It�s like Disturbed sings ��another truth that you�ll never believe, just to complement your sorrow�� The fear of going back there again, it�s strangulating�

But now I know, today I know, today I have realized, that I need to face this fear, this fear that I have kept hidden inside of me, believed, even when they have stopped shouting, stopped telling me their truth. Today, I realize that I need to change, to face the change, face my fears, the turning point, it has come, and I�m happy�

�After a time of decay, comes the turning point. The powerful light that has been banished returns. There is movement, but it is not brought about by force- the movement is natural arising spontaneously. For this reason the transformation of the old becomes easy. The old is discarded and the new is introduced. Both measures accord with the time; therefore no harm results.� � Tao Te Ching