State of Mind

Relaxed...

I had gone to my aunt’s place today where my cousin was also present. He and his wife are really into holistic and spiritual treatment options. My cousin has done various courses including Art of Living, Reiki (in which he is a master), and hypnotism.

My sister-in-law has done a course on acupressure, and tried it on me. My kidney point was aching, so there’s apparently some problem there. She told me to keep on pressing it, and the problem, whatever it is, will go away. They do not know that I have schizophrenia, and at this point, I don’t intend to tell them. So I asked her, is their a point for every organ of the body right from the brain to the toe? And she replied that there is. I then asked her which was the point for the brain, and she started explaining it to me. Interestingly, when I pressed the brain point, there was no pain, indicating that I didn’t have any problem. I would not argue that acupressure doesn’t work at all and is a hoax, for my mom, who has had water retention in her feet since the past 30 years got rid of it within a week. However, there still doesn’t seem to be any consistent method to detect schizophrenia, let aside treating it. None in any medical system that is presently available.

Later during the day, my cousin told me to lie down on the bed so that he could hypnotize me. I was hesitant and refused, for I had heard that it is dangerous for schizophrenics to be hypnotized and applied past life regression upon them. He asked me what I would like to improve in myself, so that he could apply that hypnotic technique so that my subconscious starts working in the same direction. He explained to me what I had forgotten – hypnosis is a state of deep relaxation, in which the person remains awake, but goes into the alpha state, where the subconscious becomes active. So I finally agreed, though to sit through it instead of lie down, and he guided me slowly into the state of deep relaxation, while I visualized what he spoke. And I must say that I haven’t felt this good since my first major delusional episode. I had read “The Bourne Identity” by Robert Ludlum 6 years ago, and I started believing that I was the assassin Jason Bourne, and my own people, people whom I loved, were going against me, trying to kill me, and the girl whom I had a crush on was my lover, and my adversaries were after her too, to kill her, so I had to protect her. That’s when everything my parents said made my heart beat faster, my breath shallower, my pulses racing, my muscles tensing…And today I felt as relaxed as I used to before those times. And I smiled the same wide smile the way I did earlier.

However, this was possible because I didn’t have the constant voices telling me that people were actually trying to harm me, and that is the only reason why I could relax and go into the deep meditative state, even as those thoughts of realization of my past flashed through my mind.

Posted by puzli at June 18, 2005 04:01 PM