|
|
|
||
|
|
|
| Home | About | Contact | Vitamins for Schizophrenia |
|
One of the things that still bother me when I get slightly paranoid is that people are following me. Yesterday, for instance, I was alone at home and a bit tense due to my upcoming exams, and mentally tired to some extent because of which even the slightest noise coming from neighboring houses made me jump. I went and checked out all the rooms to see whether there were any robbers, treading lightly but firmly, ready to strike if the need be. However, an interesting realization came to me after that when I decided to listen to songs at a loud volume to muffle the other sounds. I have been doing this through all the voices that I hear, trying to muffle them out, and then, the songs start repeating in my head, the same line goes over and over again due to my OCD, and I try to stop them. My aim to keep the paranoia under control is successful, but the OCD takes over from there. It’s a vicious cycle. Both ways, I’m unable to concentrate; either always scared of being attacked, or fighting with the repetitions. My health is also affected when I do some mental work, like studying. If I am able to concentrate while studying, I get so mentally exhausted that during the breaks I take in-between, I cannot function (think, speak, or listen to), leave aside going over what I’ve studied and applying my mind to work creatively on it, something that I could do till I was 13. And throughout my pre-diagnosis time, I had been fighting with myself, asking myself why I can’t do it, work like I used to earlier….
That was the realization (which comes frequently as I tend to get better and then fluctuate a bit). Now, I would like to tell all my friends out here, who have been asking me why I feel it necessary to chew nicotine gum even when I’ve enough will power to stop it whenever I want to. As is widely known, nicotine helps in reducing the symptoms of schizophrenia to some extent. The reason can be understood as follows. The countless cells in the body are enclosed in cell walls or membranes, and each cell has specific ‘doors’ with which it can interact with other cells. Some of these doors that interact only with specific molecules (or ligands) are known as channels. Signals travel through these channels into the cell to trigger a change in the cell’s functioning. For example, at the neuro-muscular junction (where the nerves meet the muscles), the nerves may release acetylcholine, which tells the muscles to contract. These channels are found throughout the body, constructed of a relatively small number of ‘Lego blocks’. One such Lego block, called Alpha-7 is found throughout the brain and nervous system. Now, interestingly, the most consistent genetic difference in schizophrenics is in the gene for Alpha-7, which causes structural and functional changes, effectively decreasing the efficiency with which the cell receives the neural signal. Alpha-7 is one of the receptors that binds nicotine, and hence nicotine is almost 10 times as effective in binding and activating the receptors as acetylcholine. Thus, high levels of nicotine in the body restore the functioning of cells to a normal state which lack in Alpha-7 acetylcholine receptors. Hence the reason for chewing nicotine gum, which is not only harmless, but also extremely effective in allowing me to function normally.
Metallica
Another thing I want to share with you all is the poetry in the songs of Metallica. Just had a chat with Paula yesterday, and she said that she likes the poetry in the soft songs she hears, and I told her that I like to listen to Metallica because their songs mark the struggle through my illness and the will to live. Given below are the lyrics of their song ‘Sad but True’. Let me explain how I perceive it because of my illness…
The song starts with a person telling another that I’m the one who is behind all that you do; I make your life possible, and I am your savior from those who are against you…. You are the mask behind which I reside and manipulate you. When I used to listen to it before my diagnosis, the ‘voice’ who guided me constantly towards the struggle would say all this to me. He was a separate entity, a guiding force that I heeded. I had to follow him to lead the world to victory in this battle of survival for the world for which I was fighting alone, and in which he was guiding me. It is sung with the spirit of pain and rebellion, with a wanting of freedom, as was the anger in me for fighting alone, with a sole guiding spirit and helper….The voice then goes on to say that that he ‘no longer cares’, as he told me to kill myself, again and again, till I heeded.
The pain, however, became excruciatingly visible after I learnt about my illness and listened to the last paragraph carefully. Go on…read it.
Sad but True
Hey, hey, hey….
I’m your life,
I’m the one, who takes you there,
Hey, I’m your life
I’m the one who cares
They, they’ll betray
I’m your only true friend now
They, they’ll betray
I’m forever there
I’m your dream,
Make it real
I’m you eyes
When you must steal
I’m your pain when you can’t feel
Sad but true
I’m your dream
Mind astray
I’m your eyes while you’re away
I’m your pain while you repay
You know it’s sad but true
Sad but true…
You, you’re my mask
You’re my cover my shelter
You, you’re my mask
You’re the ones who’s blamed
Do, do my work
Do my dirty work scapegoat
Do, do my deeds
For you’re the one who’s shamed
I’m your dream
Make it real
I’m your eyes
When you must steal
I’m your pain when u can’t feel
Sad but true
I’m your dream
Mind astray
I’m your eyes while you’re away
I’m your pain while u repay
Sad but true
Ooh, so sad but true
I’m your dream
I’m your eyes
I’m your pain
I’m your dream
I’m your eyes
I’m your pain
You know it’s sad but true
Hate, hate
I’m your hate
I’m your hate when you want love
Pay, pay the price
Pay for nothings fair
Hey, hey, I’m your life
I’m the one who took u there
Hey, I’m your life
And I no longer care
I’m your dream
Make it real
I’m your eyes
When u must steal
I’m your pain when u can’t feel
Sad but true
I’m your truth
Telling lies
I’m your reasoned alibis
I’m inside, open your eyes
I’m you…
Sad but true…
(Note: Lyrics as I can make it out by listening to the song.)
Hi puzli
Very effective last rhyme. Sorry for not writing but being busy with myself. I myself smoke a pack and a half of ciggies per day. That's a lot so i have to stop smoking but it comforts me like nothing else. I have kind of obssesive images feelings or thoughts. I think it isn't OCD but resembles and isn't pleasant. In a way it prevents me from being me. The feeling of it is not like something foreign but as a part of me.
Greetings
Posted by: John at September 25, 2005 12:52 PM
hey john! nice to have u back...keep posting:) take care, love
Posted by: puzli at September 25, 2005 02:28 PM
Dear Puzli,
I did not mean to imply that only the words to "soft" songs were poetry.All lyrics to songs in any genre of music are poems. Metallica has created a frightening and thought provoking poem in the song that you quoted. I simply dislike heavy metal because it is so loud and, to my ear, cacophonous. Because of this, the sound obscures the message that they are sending in their lyrics. I like to hear both the words and the music clearly. Most importantly, however, art is art and I have a healthy respect for artists. They have the right to express themselves in the way that is most natural to them. It is surprising to me though, that even though these lyrics were so threatening to you, you still enjoyed listening to them. I guess Paul Simon sums it up nicely in his song,"One man's ceiling is another man's floor."
Sending you happy thoughts,
Paula
Posted by: Paula Kirkpatrick at September 26, 2005 05:11 AM