State of Mind

Blossoms

I didn't give my exams and will be repeating the year.

I was having trouble walking down the stairs as I felt weak and had to take support from the railing. This little observation made my doc really happy as he told me that I'm stabilizing and he reduced my haloperidol. Another conversation with my doc led me to tell him that this friend who had a similar problem was calling me up and I was not responding as I didn't feel like talking to him about his problems. He told me that that is a good thing to do. He told me that I need to conserve my own emotional resources as I needed to stabilize. It's like, he remembered his psychotherapy professor telling him, that you can feed a dog only if you have food in your own pockets (or another similar analogy). You cannot feed a dog when you don't have any food on you. I think that that is one major problem that we encounter. We are most of the times caught up in our own emotional turmoil and still try to help other's out to the extent that we use up all our emotional resources and fall sick again.

A couple of days ago I came back from bangalore, a city in southern India, far away from the capital of the India, Delhi, where I reside. I had gone there for a workshop on the research project my sister and I are working on together. It was a great experience, and I learnt the little that I could understand from the dense essays that we had to present. My sister had been doing all the research by herself all this time as I wasn't keeping well, and so, I got so anxious (I realize now that that was what it was) by the last day that I felt so weak not knowing anything about our research results and got a bit paranoid that I slept through the presentation of our draft. My sister told our mentors that I had food poisoning and presented the draft herself.

It was a 3 day seminar and we were in bangalore for 4 days. We were surprised to see that the city has such a big reading culture that there was a 3-storeyed building of second-hand books called Blossoms, along with numerous other small stores on the same street. We spent all our money on buying second-hand books to the extent that we had to borrow more money from mom to pay for our transport when we reached home!

I'm now trying to focus on studying the 3 carry over papers that I'll have to give this semester along with the regular papers. Man, I hate studying these books that i've studied so many times and not cleared, mainly because they have got a lot to remember, which is something that I have trouble doing. I know I just need a good strategy to work this out. Hail Puzli :P ;)

Posted by puzli at June 9, 2006 01:56 PM