State of Mind

Money & phone calls

I’ve always been paranoid of being without money. This sense of insecurity stemmed partly due to my dad’s financial crisis, and a lot due to my constant plans to run away from home and then being without money and a job. The consequences of thinking about this seemed to bring about a futility in the need for existence. This was fuelled every time when the phone bill was too high and I got blamed for it, without my fault. Even now, when my mom tells me to keep my phone call short, this sense of insecurity rises from its hidden caves beneath my skin, making the hair stand all over. But now, as I was told the same again by my mom, I realize her sense of concern, and I talked it out with her as to why she keeps on telling me even when I know about the financial situation. I would talk for a long time even when I knew the financial situation for it is one of the things that keep me sane. It is the only thing I’m spending money on these days.